WHAT THE BACHELOR’S BEN HIGGINS AND LAUREN BUSHNELL BREAKUP CAN TEACH US ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
Originally published on www.joinonelove.org/blog
Photo courtesy of E! Online
We’ve all heard the sad news — Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell from season 20 of The Bachelor have called it quits. Ben won us over with his adorably sweet personality and boy next door demeanor, and Lauren was a seemingly perfect fit for him. Not only is the breakup upsetting because they appeared to be a great couple, but it also has us wondering why so many of those who find love on the show are breaking off their relationships. So why, we must ask, did their relationship and so many others from The Bachelor fail? While we can’t speak to the specifics of Ben and Lauren’s breakup, we do know that The Bachelor can teach us some valuable lessons about relationships.
1. Rushing into a relationship with someone isn’t always wise. A relationship that starts out very quickly is a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship. That’s not to say that all relationships that start out fast will become abusive, but it’s a very common thread so it’s something to watch out for. In The Bachelor, contestants are expected to find love in less than two months. Imagine hearing that four letter word from you SO after only a couple of weeks — #ThatsNotLove, that’s crazy talk!
2. Take your time getting to know your partner. Taking the time to get to know someone when entering a new relationship is super important because you need to make sure you have a lot more than just chemistry going for you. People typically present the best version of themselves when they are getting to know you, so it’s important to take things slowly to better understand what someone is really like before making it official.
Photo courtesy of Glamour
3. In a healthy relationship, you both set the pace together. While it’s absolutely fantastic that a young person like Ben has the option of choosing from about 25 eligible bachelorettes, this isn’t necessarily a two-way process. What happens when you are on the receiving end and you have only one person to choose from? Choosing the right partner involves both people actively determining whether or not the other is right for them, and unfortunately for many of these contestants, they don’t really have that choice.
4. The “perfect” relationship paradox. When others are always telling you that your relationship is perfect and that you and your partner are adorbs, they reinforce the idea that your relationship is great without taking into consideration what may be happening off-screen. You also may be more likely to downplay or ignore the negative aspects of your relationship and feel like you can’t share your true feelings with your friends or family members because you don’t want to let them down, or want others to believe that you really are a “perfect couple.”
5. Social pressure to be flawless. There’s a lot of pressure to be in a seemingly perfect relationship, and being in the spotlight really can accentuate that pressure. But it’s important to focus on how the relationship is actually making you feel, and be honest with yourself and with your friends and family about that. Remember as a friend that even if you are seeing happy posts on social media, that is only one version of the relationship and don’t assume someone’s relationship is going great because it looks awesome on Instagram.
Photo courtesy of E! Online
Want to learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationships? Check out the One Love Foundation blog at www.joinonelove.org/blog