6 Things That Annoy Me But Shouldn’t

Mostly these are wonderful things that people do but I just can’t help but hate them with all of my heart.

1. When I’m driving and other cars let me go.

The only time this is acceptable is in heavy traffic, when I am panicking about ever getting onto the road. In that case, I am forever grateful and send well wishes to you and your family.

But, if you decide to throw the rules of the road to the wind and stop for me when you aren’t supposed to, the opposite will occur. If you stop in the middle of the road, when you don’t have a sign, when no one else is around, because you see me waiting to pull out onto the road, I will not like it. Sometimes I will play dumb and refuse to go. I don’t appreciate this. You are now putting me into an awkward position. I don’t owe you anything.

2. When large groups of people are having fun in public.

You know that group of people who are loud and laughing and enjoying life? I hate them. My first question is how do you know that many people? Also, how were they all available to hang out at the same time? Do you have jobs? Do you not enjoy a night in with a good book or new TV series?

To be fair, on the rare occasions that I am part of a large group having fun, I don’t enjoy it either. All I can think about is how complicated it is to travel with that number of people, and I’m only going to talk to a few of you anyway.

3. When people kiss my cat.

There are a few people in my life (family) that can cuddle up to my cat and give her kisses. But otherwise, please don’t. You don’t know her like that.

4. When people offer to let me borrow their books.

I love to read. I read quite often. But I take my time when deciding which books to read. Sometimes I’ll just reread books I already have rather than pick out a new one. So when the topic of a good book comes up and someone mentions “You can borrow it if you’d like” I panic inside. One, I don’t know how to tell them oh no, I don’t want to read the book you enthusiastically just told me about. Two, I hate this because once I end up with the book, the pressure to read it is overwhelming. It will sit on my coffee table and make me feel bad things every time I see it left unread.

5. People with super curated lifestyles.

The other day at the coffee shop I saw a couple that looked like they had stepped out of a Free People ad. I was at once fascinated and enraged. How much time did this take? How did they meet each other? Were they always this way? They both had honey colored, perfectly messy hippie hair and walked away hand in hand. She had an intricate henna tattoo around her forearm. He had the walk of a slow, confident model. And then they got into a perfectly maintained van from the 90s. WHAT. How does everything fit together so nicely. What does your home look like. I bet they have healthy plants everywhere. Or better yet, they probably live in the van. But still always smell nice even though they haven’t showered in a week.

Anyway, I’m mostly concerned about the timeline of these things. How long did it take you to reach maximum curated life? How long do you plan to hold this up? How long might it take me?

6. Cutesy pet names for babies/people.

I’m talking names like chunky butt or chunky monkey or chunky cheeks. Or maybe I just don’t like the word chunky. But then again I’ve recently taken to calling my cat my little Pokemon so maybe I’m part of the problem.

I don’t mind hearing others use names like babe or baby, or even honey for that matter. But please don’t call me honey if you’re the same age as me. The only time you have permission to call me honey is if you are my mom or an old lady, or maybe a small child being ironic.