The Definitive Guide to….


Hello Gang,

Sorry that it has been awhile. Actually that was a complete lie and I am not sorry at all. Work and life got in the way and quite frankly this free column doesn’t pay the bills so you will have to take what you can get.

We are hitting December which is one of my favorite times of the year because of my Birthday as well getting to visit both Texas and Louisiana, easily two of the top five states in this country (I’ll save that for another day). One of the great spots in Beautiful New Orleans is a place that really does Karaoke right. Somewhere the girlfriend has a video of an Alabama fan in overalls just killing it. (It is better than you can imagine)

Almost Heaven….

I have seen some tweets lately both good and bad about Karaoke, but I figured no matter the age whether it is Rock Band or a bunch of lousy Freshman coaches giving it a go, more likely than not you will be faced with taking on Karaoke at some point in your lifetime so I wanted to offer a few helpful tips. Yep, not only am I an expert on Football, the Big Ten, Steak, Coach Dennis Green, and other useless information, I would like to think of myself as adequate at this whole Karaoke business as well.


Be that person who doesn’t participate if the whole group is taking their turn. We like to call that person as “Boring”… Of course you can’t sing, no one can sing or else they wouldn’t be slumming it at whatever job they have. No one likes a killjoy.


Pick a song that people actually know and like. Doesn’t matter if it is new or old, but you have to be able to get the crowd to at least acknowledge it. I don’t care if you think that the hits of the artist aren’t the greatest. They don’t call them the hits because they were duds now do they.

Ex: Sweet Caroline, Friends in Low Places, All I want for Christmas is Youuuuuuuuuu, any Nickelback Banger

Sweet Caroline (Bump Bump Bump)


Pick a rap song unless you really really really know the words. I’ll give you the scenario

Person Thinking: (Maybe I’ll do DMX… Yah, DMX, who doesn’t love DMX? Everyone loves DMX, and I’ll do the Ruff Ryders Anthem for a little Nostalgia as well)

(Walks up to stage, grabs the mic, lyrics flash up there… Yikes!)

No Sir, No problems with the Ruff Ryders on this Blog Mr. X

Do …

Give your friends a hard time or interact from the crowd. There has to be some energy in the crowd for it to work. A hearty “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” is better than nothing at all

Don’t …

Act like its American Idol (you are dating yourself here JC) … er The Voice. Blake Shelton isn’t turning around in a chair anytime soon. And if he is you should be yelling at him to sing. We all have seen this person go up there. The one who closes his or her eyes, maybe makes a clenched fist to really emphasize how powerful it is the words that he or she are singing.

“Evvvvvvvvvvvvreeeeeeeey Roseeeeeee has its thornnnnnnnnnnn”

(Crowd thinking, calm down man, is this guy OK? Its a power ballad from the 80's)

Deep stuff Bro….


Go up there with another person if the song is made for two people.

But do not do a duet to “Closer”

No. Bad Idea. Move on.


be the token depressed/angry girl up there…

Going up there shouting out Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” does not seem to give the indication that you are over the last one. You may as well just not wear deodorant because people are not going to want to be in proximity. Other songs in this category could be “Since you’ve been gone” and “Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)”


try to hit a pitch that you have no shot of obtaining. Yep, AC/DC and Guns N Roses are/were great. You cannot sing like them. Yes think about it quickly. There ya go, don’t even bother.

Oh wont you please take me hommmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeee!!!


Have fun. Most people I encounter in my life take themselves entirely too seriously. If you can’t laugh at yourself, then whats the point?

(and obviously if you want to share a video of your great performances, feel free)

Until next time gang,


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