The Intervention

The idea for this mock intervention came from the following website:

“You look tired dad. Are you okay.”

“Becoming president is harder than it looks,”

“I know, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, can we go in your office.”


They enter a office filled with pictures of him with celebrities, dignitaries, people of importance, people of self-worth, at least in his eyes. It’s a shrine fit for a Trump. A shrine fit for a king. Or is it? Now a days he’s not so sure.

On the corner of his desk is a picture of a young Donald and a even younger Ivanka, smiling, joyful, content. Ivanka looks at the picture briefly reminiscing those carefree days. Donald sits behind his desk with the feel of a man with the world on his shoulders. “Hillary’s changed honey.”

“Dad that’s not want I want to talk about right now.”

“But she has Ivanka!! Don’t you remember when we use to be friends? Don’t you remember when I was a liberal?!!”

“I do dad, I do.”

Donald sighs. “You know I used to spend a lot of hours in this office. When I’m working. When I’m in the middle of making a big deal I feel like I’m walking on air. But when I’m out on the campaign trail everything I say or do is judged, watched or criticized.”

“Like living in a bubble.”

“Honey I’ve been living in a bubble for over forty years.”

“So you’re blaming the bubble for your problems?”

“No, it’s not that…it’s just…just….”

While her back is turned. Donald bum rushes Ivanka — bear hugging her at the waist, picking her up, twirling her around. As a child this would make her laugh — today, well, not so much.

“Dad, what the HELL are you doing!!!?? Put me down!!! Put me down NOW!!”

“Geez…okay, okay, I’m sorry. I thought that would make you happy. When you were little you use to like it.”

“Well I’m not a child anymore dad so please don’t EVER do that again, that was so freaking weird. And it’s not just me, EVERYONE thinks that’s weird so stop doing it okay!!!”

“I’m sorry honey. I didn’t mean to upset you. Here you want a chocolate.”

Ivanka grudgingly takes the chocolate.

“I’ve been learning a lot about becoming more presidential, but I’m not very good at it.”

“We know dad. That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you for a long time now.”

“I know, I know. But it’s just that nobody has ever beaten me in anything. I’ve been the best at everything I’ve done.”

“Who would expect less? You are a Trump.”

Donald chuckles. “Whatever that means nowadays.”

“It means you are going to make a difference in the world.”

“Not if the country elects crooked Hillary.”

“She thinks she is going to be President. And why shouldn’t she be? Why shouldn’t you be, too?”

“We CAN’T both be President Ivanka.”

“Two faces of the same coin. And I’m the metal in between.”

“Well the trouble with coins is, when one face is up, the other is down.”

“And right now you think you’re down? Dad, they want me to encourage you to drop out of the race. But I don’t want to do that. I want you to keep going because deep down I think you can win and deep down I think you feel that way too but you’re unsure and your confidence is wavering.”

“But how can I win if they keep changing all the rules? How can I win when the system is rigged?”

“I suppose that’s what I’m here for. To suck you back in or push you out for your own good.”

“I don’t think I ever wanted to be President.”

“Yeah dad, we figured that much. Look our campaign may be a disaster, but we are not powerless. We play by their rules long enough, and this presidency is ours.”

“You know Ivanka, I’ve been through a lot of tough fights in my life, sometimes business deals, sometimes — NON business deals. And every time I won because I understood the way my competitor thought. From what they did. I could tell what they thought I was doing, how they wanted the situation to take shape. And I played off that. I’m very good at that. Understanding how other people think.

“The curse of being a Trump I guess,” Ivanka says jokingly.

“But it goes deeper than that honey. During the primaries I knew what I was suppose to do. I knew what I was meant to do — and I did it — and when I did what I was suppose to do, it felt good.”

“And what about now dad? How do you feel now?”

“Well now I spend my days alone, in my room, trying to understand why I hate myself so badly. Why everybody thinks I”m such a loser.”

“No, dad no, don’t say that…”

“Oh don’t tell me no. It took me a long time to realize that I did, but believe me, I did. Do. And it came down to this: In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand her well enough to defeat her, than in that very moment I also love her. I think it is impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them — ”

“You beat them.”

“No I DESTROY them hun!! I make it impossible for them to ever hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don’t exist.”

“Of course you don’t dad.”

“But I DO Ivanka!! I’ve really hurt some people, you know. Ted Cruz, Chris Christie, Paul Ryan, the gold star families, the BLACKS!!!”

“I know dad. I know.”

“Ivanka, do you see what I am becoming? Even YOU are afraid of me!!”

“I’m not dad.”

“Well you should be.”

“No I shouldn’t. But your campaign is going to shrivel up if you keep doing what you are doing.”

He smiles. “Maybe it will, or maybe it won’t.”

“Dad, Hillary is going to do it. She’s smart enough to take the time it takes, she is going to win her way into power. I’m not sure yet whether that will be a good thing or a bad thing. Hillary can be cruel, but she knows the getting and keeping of power.”

“So even crooked Hillary might be a better alternative. Jesus christ!!!!”

“Dad, I don’t know if you’ve notice or not, but you’ve been discovering some of the destroyer in yourself.”

“You think so?”

“I do — and so have I. You see Hillary didn’t have a monopoly on that, whatever the voters thought. And Hillary has some of the builder in her as well. She isn’t kind, but she doesn’t break every good thing she sees anymore. Once you realize that power will always end up with the sort of people who crave it, I think there are worse people who have it than Hillary.”

“With that strong a recommendation, I could vote for Hillary myself. You sure you’re not a Hillary supporter?”

“Dad come on…”

“I’m just teasing honey.”

“But don’t you think it’s kind of silly. An outside candidate and his three children plotting to occupy the White House?” Ivanka tries to laugh but can’t. This whole experience has been entirely too surreal for her. Sometimes she can’t believe it IS real. Dad, this is not your ordinary election, and YOU are no ordinary candidate.”

“Don’t you sometimes wish it were? Or I were?”

“Sometimes, but it would be awfully dull don’t you think?”

“I’m not really sure. I doubt it though.”

“Dad, what is the one name everybody in the world knows?”

“Barack Obama.” he says grudgingly.

“And what if you win this election the way he did?”

“Barack Obama was a fluke!! A reserve. Nobody believed he could do the job. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time!”

“But suppose you do it. Suppose you win the election and your name is known the way Barack Obama’s name is known.”

“Oh hell, let somebody else be Barack Obama. If Hillary wants to be presidential so be it. I just want to be ME!!!”

“But being you, is hurting YOU dad!! It’s hurting US!!! Don’t you understand that?? Can’t you see what the mayhem and madness is doing to you?”

“Ivanka, what do you want from me!!!??”

“I want you to compromise dad. Stop fighting those who are trying to help you. Stop fighting with the people in your party!!!”

“But I can’t WIN that way Ivanka. One day I’ll be on stage like Barack Obama, debating Hillary Clinton, and everybody will be depending on me, and I won’t be able to do it. I won’t be able to win if I can’t be myself!!!”

“If you can’t, dad, then nobody in the party can. If you can’t beat her, than Hillary and her team deserves to win because they are stronger and better than us. It won’t be your fault.”

“Tell that to my disappointed supporters.

“If not you than who?”

“I don’t know Ivanka. Anybody!!”

“Nobody, dad. And I’ll tell you something. If you try and you lose than it isn’t your fault. But if you don’t take this campaign seriously and we DO lose, then it IS all your fault. You’ve killed us all!!”

“According to the media it seems like I’m a killer no matter what.”

“But dad, you’ve been a killer all your life. What else should you be?”

“A winner!!”

“But you’re NOT winning dad!!! You’re failing miserably!!”

“I KNOW IVANKA I KNOW!!!” Donald bangs his head against the wall in frustration. Ivanka, silent, waits patiently for her dad to regain his composure.

“I’m sorry dad I didn’t mean too, I — ”

“I can never beat Hillary!!! No matter what I say or do. I never could because everything I say or do is WRONG!!”

“She’s an insider dad. She’s been in the game longer than you.”

“So has the RNC.”

“Dad, do you want to beat Hillary?”


Ivanka is temporarily taken aback from his response but carries on. “Well….well than win the popular vote and win back the RNC — become President and see who notices Hillary Clinton anymore. Look her in the eye when all the world loves and reveres you. That’ll be the defeat in her eyes, dad. That’s how you win!!!”

“You don’t understand.”

“Yes I do.”

“No you don’t. I don’t want to beat Hillary.”

“Than what do you want?”

“I want her to love me.”

“….oh shit.”