90 Days of Sobriety: Day 22
Rediscovering My Potential
Being all things to all people, requires a lot of hats. Being everything to oneself, requires focus and determination.
The main reason why people don’t become what they want to be, is a lack of focus. Some may argue financial dispositions, geographical location, religious/government oppression, and immediate moral construct, but in the end, it’s focusing on a goal. If you need an example, check out William Kamkwamba.
The reason that I address this, is the fact that I didn’t think that I could make it this far in the 90 days of sobriety challenge. I doubted that I could follow a proper diet. I laughed at the possibility of keeping a steady exercise routine. Yet, here I am, sober, eating horrible tasting health food, and doing something with my arm apart from raising a pint.
Within the realm of sobriety, one thought continues to ramble around my head. Stop trying to wear so many hats and just focus on one. In everyday life, we have encounters with people we have never met before and they either receive our best foot forward, or the worse person they will meet that day. Take a look at our friends as well. Why should one group see one side and not the other? Would the universe implode if my prim and proper friends knew that I like to do naked cartwheels? Are my neighbors making microwave burritos? Did really used to enjoy those things?
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
-John Lydgate
When I first heard this quote, I thought, challenge accepted. I fashioned my personality to be easy going. My thoughts were transmutable while my desires remained malleable. I became everyone’s friend. Therein lies the problem, I was too busy pleasing everyone else, that I forgot to please myself. My focus was absent as my abilities were scattered. Jack was my name, trades my game, and that’s why I’m a master of none.
In these ever increasing moments of sobriety, past opportunities start waxing in clarity. The real reason for drinking starts to show itself. It was to help forget the moments of greatness that could have been. Conversations at parties that could have lead to a better job, but washed away with glasses of whiskey. Connections lost with the headache and rot gut in the morning. Embarrassment was the reason for another drink.
I drank my potential away. I traded in all of my hats, for just one; an asshole. Thus begins the arduous task of reformation. Rediscovering who I am outside of a bottle. Refining the person I have become through conditioning and fire. Realizing that there is still good in me. It is never an easy task to admit weakness. It is an even harder task to acknowledge it and commit to change.
Thank you again readers and friends. Your love and support has emboldened my confidence and determination. Seeing your successes of marriage, children, promotions, etc., lets me know that there is still hope. Now, if any of you need me, I’ll be at the races, showing off my ridiculous new hat.
