In the Silence
We can hear ourselves.
Quieting the cacophony of life is a necessity when trying to find satisfying achievement.
Over the past month I made a serious decision about immediate career goals, been through countless interviews, quit smoking, faced crippling depression and then I had my bike stolen. Distraction was an understatement, these we all pieces of an orchestra that wouldn't shut up.
Sounds of the bleak unknown joined in with personal fears and trepidation. It was an overture of flat notes meant to keep my confidence low, and I hummed along. I allowed the noise to ring out in my life. From work to relationships, the sound of dissidence permeated into every strand I was attached to. Silence imbued my tongue, while the crashing of life happened around me. Change became a necessity.
On the path of serenity I wanted to remove what I thought was the loudest distraction, my job. Almost three years dedicated to a family operation that felt like home. Dysfunctional at it’s finest. We argued, fought, cussed and when shit hit the fan, we all had each other’s back. It was stressful though. Imagine having a psychic link with a bipolar schizophrenic sociopath, and those are just the customers. I was there almost every day and I left the only way I knew how, in a ball of fiery glory. I spewed out all of the hate and injustice fed to me, shared my thoughts of the overseers, gave my two cents on how the place should have been operated, then went to the nearest bar and drank four shots back to back. I felt good for that brief instant, on top of the world, then I woke up the next day.
Background sounds became foreground. What was inaudible before, now had their solo. Healthy rest still evaded me due to continued waning of confidence. A new job would pick that up, I was sure of it. Interviews lined up, nice clothes readied, resume and cover letter perfected. How could they say no? I wasn't the right fit. They had already filled said position, but were looking to fill an entry level. Lack of confidence rabbit trailed words till I had to be cut off and sent packing. Confidence: 0 Rejection: God Mode.
My better half was out of town. I allowed her to listen to the sounds distracting me. I had to translate by using my own voice, peppered with four letter words and broken strings. She was strong enough to listen, even stronger to call back and talk. Inspiration tried to take root, but it was just seeds thrown onto hard ground.
Inspiration came from arcane visions stirred up from the ether of memories. I was in my backyard, field behind, mountain near and sky above. A bright cerulean sheet played upon by perfectly puffed cumulus. Flight pulled at my limbs as I swung back and forth on my play-set. Vision focused above as imagination took me to new heights. There was the peace. That was the serenity I needed, and I had it this entire time. It was the noise that didn't let me see.
I have turned down my radio countless times while driving, so I could find a parking spot or a specific address. I turn down music while studying. I try to keep noise away while composing. It is the distraction that hinders. It is what pushes professionals and oppress dreamers. It can keep the doer from doing.
Don’t let the noise of life drown out your own ambition. Don’t be overwhelmed when the orchestra starts playing their own tunes. Grab hold of the baton from where you conducted peace and harmony. In this, noise transforms from cacophony to symphony and life becomes more like a raucously quiet song.
