Closing off 2015 with lessons learnt from dating in 2015

As I look back at my 2015 year of dating, it’s hard not to focus on the fails as I sit here still single. Today I focus on a fail but one I can laugh at and learn from. This dating story I share was nearly a year ago and I feel I have come along so much from then. I can laugh at myself more, take things a lot less personally and also maybe a little less patient when it incompatible dates.

This story begins on a winter’s Saturday evening when I was feeling optimistic and on one of my month long dating missions. It was my first date with this guy, we had been chatting for a while and had this date in the diary for a week or so. He text and asked if I wanted to go for dinner before our night at a wine tasting and suggested a nice Japanese fusion place I had always wanted to go. Dinner on a first date as well as on a Saturday are both considered being a dating faux par. He seemed generous and I thought I should just go for it!

Apparently you know in 10 seconds whether you want a second date or not. I knew in 3 and was instantly scared that we had a full night ahead! He seemed sweet enough but also pretty convinced he would actually be more suited to another man.

We were a few minutes early for the booking so he suggested walking up and down the street a few times. It was dark and awkward. We arrived at the restaurant, which seemed quite posh and romantic. He was a self-proclaimed wine connoisseur so I suggested he chose the wine. He actually didn’t want us to have any wine as it may have ruined the wine we were to have later. I was definitely going to have a glass! Or a bottle! Or a round of shots just for me to see me through the night! He ordered two different glasses to which he did the expected shove your nose in, give it a good sniff, slurp, swish and (luckily) swallow the wine; to which I was expected to do the same. All I wanted to do was neck it but looks like we were on wine ration so I behaved like a lady.

The menu was full of rich, delicious looking sharing dishes and I ordered the squid followed by the pork. As the food arrived and offered to share, it was at this point he told me he was Jewish so didn’t eat seafood or pork. This was mega uncomfortable, as I would have ordered something else if I’d known. It then became very annoying, as it was clear he wasn’t actually religious but a bit spiritual or lost. He didn’t actually practice any of the Jewish faith apart from the diet and what annoyed me even more he didn’t even understand the reasoning behind the dietary laws. I am not a religious person myself but respect people’s choices and motivations in life. This just seemed like a pointless exercise what is the point in cherry picking religious practices without the faith itself? As I got to know more about him, it was clear he was a bit of a lost soul. Part time massage therapist, part time shop assistant in a wine chain shop. It was obvious that dinner was not going to be on him and I was too sober to endure this. The bill came and I waited patiently as he went to wash his hands before touching his wallet. He offered to pay a bit more but that made it even more weird if you itemise a bill on a date so we split it and went to the wine shop.

The wine shop would actually be an amazing date. Buzzing with lots of wine to choose. You put money on a card and then went round sampling different wines. The aim was to just sample shots of wine but I ‘accidently’ got full glasses of wine to run out of money quicker and drink through the pain of an awkward date. It became more awkward when he leant in towards me to start snogging me in front of the wine racks. Was I not giving off not interested vibes? Maybe he didn’t care. His next step after I moved my head away from his advances was to play thumb war with me. This was a new dating low for me. He read my palm and talked about his sexual tendencies where I had to bite my cheeks to hold in the laughter. I should have just been honest and said I wasn’t interested and made a dash home but I felt bad. Lessoned learnt.

When I had rinsed through my wine funds, it was time to leave. Walking at pace towards the tube, he insisted on linking arms. Were we at school? Should I break into a skip? I love skipping! I got lost in a moment for 1 second and he had pulled me into some scaffolding, knocking some poor passer by out the way. Poor chap. He was obviously trying to create a sense of passion but gave me a fright! With his eyes closed and mouth wide open, his tongue inside my mouth forcing it open so wide I thought it would lock. I politely reciprocated – why did I do that? Another lesson learnt. British people really need to reign in their politeness! And then I soon pulled away to see him still in the moment, eyes closed and mouth open. I told him I was shy and bad at dates and then we had a friendly hug and ran to the tube.

The next day he gave me a text asking me out again. At first I was like how deluded was he that that was a date worth repeating, then I hated myself for wasting both our evenings but putting up a pretence, lastly I just felt sorry for him that maybe he just wanted a friend. As when I replied to his invite that it was nice to meet him but think we are quite different so didn’t think was worth meeting up again. He replied, agreeing but still wanting to meet up to go to a gallery or something.

I always like to learn from my mistakes and welcome your feedback but for now I will go with.

1) Never commit to dinner on a first date

2) Get some balls and be honest (in a nice way of course)

3) Always take a positive out of a negative situation. I will definitely use that wine shop on another date

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