The Lessons Gary Speed Taught Us
“He could be sitting here where I am, enjoying what we’re enjoying” ~ Chris Coleman, Wales manager.
Gary Speed was never too far from anybody’s thoughts as Wales made their way to the semifinals of Euro 2016 this summer. From players to fans, pundits to coaches, everyone wanted to pay tribute to the man who played a key role in the Welsh team’s remarkable journey to Lyon, and hopefully beyond.
Speed may not have got the ball rolling, many of the players were given their international debuts by John Toshack, but his ten game tenure turned a tide in Welsh hearts and minds.
Wales had not qualified for a major tournament since the World Cup of 1958, but Gary Speed was determined to change that. Although his management of the side only lasted ten matches, encompassing five victories, he managed to forge an identity and a philosophy which would be the Welsh road map to Euro 2016.
And then tragedy struck.
“Words cannot begin to describe how sad I feel at hearing this awful news” ~ Ryan Giggs, former Wales teammate.
Gary Speed appeared on BBC One’s Football Focus on Saturday, 26th November 2011.
Speed discussed his hopes as Wales manager, his plans to take the country to a major tournament. He laughed, he joked, he smiled.
After the programme finished, he met up with close friend and former Newcastle teammate Alan Shearer.
On Sunday, 27th November 2011, Gary Speed was found dead in the early hours of the morning at his family home. He was just 42 years old.
“I was laughing and joking with him on Saturday, as we always do. There was no sign. The last thing I said was, ‘See you next weekend’”, Shearer said in the aftermath of his close friend’s passing.
To many people there did not seem to be any sign of what was going on in Gary Speed’s mind, no clue as to the path that would lead him to take his own life that night at the end of November.
Speed’s story is a familiar one; in the UK an average of 12 men take their own lives every day. That’s 4,623 men every year. Men are also much more likely to die by suicide than women, with 76% of suicides in England and Wales resulting in the death of a man. At 42, Gary Speed was also in the most at risk age bracket; suicide is now the biggest killer of men under the age of 50.
“We can’t fathom it out. We go over and over it, we will never know now” ~ Roger Speed, Gary Speed’s father.
Understanding why suicide happens, and why they reach the point where they see no other way out, is difficult. We may never find out why someone we love, someone we spent our lives with, took their own life.
Depression, mental health issues, and suicide do not discriminate. Gary Speed was a successful footballer; he won the league title in 1992, played in 535 Premier League games for four different clubs, but he still had the same every day challenges as you or I. He still had to contend with mental health.
Just as a broken leg or a bout of the flu does not care if you’re rich or poor, a famous celebrity or a guy in an office, depression does not differentiate either.
We must all be aware that at any point in time, anybody we know could be struggling.
“He hid it from us, because people who are suffering from depression are not only fighting the illness but they are fighting the stigma that goes with it” ~ Lesley Haylock, Gary Speed’s sister.
A recent survey found that 60% of men who had suffered depression had never spoken to anybody about it. There is a culture, especially for men, that any issues you have can easily be resolved by yourself, by riding out the storm, by keeping your mouth shut, by “manning up”.
But the same survey also found that 93% of men also want to be there for their friends who are struggling with their mental health.
There is always somebody out there ready to listen, and ready to help. It may be a sibling, a parent, a friend, or a colleague. It could be somebody from CALM or somebody from the Samaritans.
“That is a huge regret, that I didn’t set him to one side and say ‘Is everything all right?’”, Speed’s sister said in a 2013 documentary.
Often we think we know how the people we love are doing, we hope and pray that they are doing fine. However, we must always be open to the possibility that they are not. And we must be open enough that people know if they take the brave step of talking about their problems, we will listen.
“He’s always in the back of our minds. When we achieve something, we think about him” ~ Ashley Williams, Wales captain.
Memories of the people lost to suicide remain a constant thought in the minds of those who knew them, and those who loved them.
There are no guarantees that if Gary Speed was still with us then Wales would have reached the semifinals of Euro 2016, but a wonderful and caring man would still be with us. New memories could be made by those who knew him. Parents would still have their son, a sister would still have her brother, two boys would still have their father, friends would still have their friend.
If you ever feel the need to speak to anybody then please speak. And if anybody ever needs you to listen then please listen. You never know the difference it could make.
