UFC 196 is coming up this Saturday. 
Are you stoked? 
You should definitely be stoked.

Why?

Well, among other things, the main event is going to be wild. Conor “The only thing greener than money is Irish blood” McGregor is fighting Nate “I smoke chumps like I smoke blunts” Diaz on just two weeks’ notice.

Whatever happens, whoever wins, I predict orchestrated chaos: Conor talking shit. Diaz waving his middle fingers between punches. And a high likelihood of someone getting knocked-the-fudge-out.

I can’t stop smiling when I think about it. It makes me giddy. (This must be what it’s like to meet Bieber.)

In anticipation of the fight, I started creeping on Conor McGregor’s Instagram account, partially to get a deeper look inside the brash Irishman’s psyche…and partially because his Instagram is entertaining and ridiculous. It’s a win-win situation.

Without further Apu, here are five Insta-facts (aka, five random observations based on five out-of-context Instagram posts) about “The Notorious” Conor McGregor:

1. “Notorious” night life

McGregor moonlights as a bartender at a discount discotheque on the LA beachfront. His signature drink, the “Erotic Irishman”, consists of equal parts stout beer, aged whisky, and beard oil, served in a python-skin boot.

2. Monkey business

McGregor is tapped to make a cameo appearance in the next Planet of the Apes movie. His character, a feared ape assassin, will be named “Danny O’Rangutan”.

3. Irish-Vitro Fertilization

McGregor once impregnated an entire arena of adoring fans with one mighty thrust. The resulting children were all born with fiery red hair and a five-fight UFC contract.

4. Climbing to the top

McGregor won a gold medal at the 2015 Irish Summer Games for his record-breaking performance in the “Climb the Norwegian” event. Here, McGregor is seen training with Game of Thrones’ “The Mountain” (Editor’s Note: No Norwegians were harmed in the making of the 2015 games.)

5. One of a kind “swimming robe”

McGregor can’t swim, so he hired a team of fashion designers and nautical engineers to create a one-of-a-kind “swimming robe” for his personal use. The cloth is woven from George Lucas’ beard clippings, which are world-renowned for their natural buoyancy. “If his beard can keep those fookin’ Star Wars prequels afloat, it’ll let my Irish arse walk across water!” McGregor quipped.

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