“I’m just me, and unfortunately, for some people in the tech industry, that’s just not good enough.”
When we talk about diversity in tech, we generally talk about employee headcount in existing companies. But issues of diversity in tech are also significant in terms of companies on the rise, especially who their founders are and their relationship with investors. In 2017, only 17% of startups had a female founder, and more astonishing is the fact that there was no improvement over the previous five years. Another statistic, albeit a bit older, shows that only 1 percent of VC-funded startup founders are black, whereas black people make up over 11 percent of the US population. Also, 87 percent of VC-backed founders are white and 83 percent of all founding teams of these companies are all white. There is even less information on LGBTQ founders, but 37 percent of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) founders (who have raised funds or will raise funds in the next year) do not come out to their investors.
Harsh statistics. There are, of course, those who try to solve the issue on the startup front, like @humbleventures and @ArlanWasHere, but this isn’t enough.
Just as we discussed in our previous story, these are numbers. Statistics. Behind them are real people, who have experienced actual events — and their feelings about it are very real. Part of solving the current situation is truly understanding it. We need to get down from our high horse, 1,000 feet above the surface, and feel what it feels like.
So, we decided to let them tell their stories.
The stories aren’t the goal. The goal isn’t getting support from people, either. The goal is to make those who don’t understand — to understand. And how do you do that? You’ll be surprised, but by using unconscious bias. If unconscious bias makes a person find solidarity and take a preference based on similarities (for example, a manager with an employee or a recruiter with a candidate), why not use it for good?
So, we removed all clues about the person’s identity from these stories. We kept only the story, so that people will use their own imagination, personal connections, and relationships to decide who is behind the story. You won’t know who they are, if it’s a woman, or a man, an Afro-American or a Hispanic, but they are real. So real, in fact, that they can be your spouse, your best friend from college or even the person sitting next to you at work right now.
This is the second story.
I am both the luckiest and unluckiest person I know.
I don’t want this to sound like a rant. Unfortunately, even now as I talk about it, I feel that I have to apologize. I’m just used to ignoring it and moving on. I never wanted to talk about it with anyone. In fact, this is the first time I’m sharing my story. Not only that, when my co-founder heard that I was going to share the story, he was quite surprised. “I don’t remember that that’s what happened,” he said, and remarked that, “he was a snob, but…”
“Correct,” I said, “on the other hand, you were never in my shoes. You can’t understand how I felt.”
To be honest, if I wasn’t offered to share my story, I probably would have never talked about it.
I was the luckiest person.
My starting point was significantly better than expected, unlike others in my position. I don’t have the external features that “reveal” who I am. I was also fortunate to come from a family of means, so I never experienced overt bias. It might have been there, but it was very subtle and latent. My good fortune continued with the opportunity to found a startup with amazing partners, for a medical product that treats a disorder that I personally experienced and overcame.
I was the luckiest person, because I only experienced bias for the first time at the age of 28. But, when I found out what bias really was — I wasn’t ready for it.
And then, I was the unluckiest person I knew.
My external features got me through the door where others like me didn’t have a chance. Once people, who perceived me in a certain way, found out who I am, the bubble exploded in their face, their perception of reality was destroyed. People couldn’t deal with the fact that I look nothing like they expect. They tried to emphasize how I’m not “really” who I am. Cognitive dissonance went into overdrive, behaviors changed for the worse and people started spouting ridiculous statements, such as,
“Wow, but you don’t look like…”
True, maybe it isn’t as obvious, but I am! I don’t try to hide it. This is who I am. I’m proud of who I am.
People needed to justify their stereotypes. That’s when their bias (conscious or unconscious) blew up in my face. It would have been even worse, even more overt, had I not been so “lucky”. It seemed like I “let them down”, that I’m not what they expected and that’s why they reacted so fiercely. Maybe they even “punished” me. I have to say that in most cases I don’t believe it was intentional. They had a set of definitions for life and how things need to be and they just had a hard time dealing with an “anomaly” like me. My reality changed.
The height of this new reality came when we started meeting investors. It was in a meeting with the third or fourth investor, so we were just starting out. Young, excited and a little naïve. I was very nervous.
The other co-founder, the CFO and I were in the meeting. We shook hands, politely smiled and made our way to a bit of small talk. We sat around the table and introduced ourselves. At one point, I presented the story behind the product and my own background and then, like in slow motion, I could see the attitude towards me starting to shift. He just stopped acknowledging my presence.
I swear to God, anytime I spoke the guy wouldn’t even look at me, but when my CFO spoke he had a completely different attitude towards him.
It was obvious and infuriating.
But that wasn’t even the end of it.
In addition to completely ignoring my presence in the room, he totally dismissed every sentence I said or every answer I made and immediately sought answers from my partners. He just silenced me. I was thinking to myself
“Why aren’t you asking me? Why aren’t you listening to me? From the three of us, I’m the expert!”
“There are questions about money that you’d rather ask the CFO and question about strategy are directed at the CEO — but questions about the product? That I’m its target audience? That I went through what this product can help solve? You won’t listen to me, because of my look? Really?!?!” Of course, I only said that in my head. My co-founder didn’t notice it. Our CFO, so it seemed, did notice and tried to direct the question back to me, but it didn’t work. It didn’t help.
I didn’t say anything when we left the meeting. The three of us talked very causally and just made a few jokes to release some steam about how much of a snob he was and that he wouldn’t be right for us as an investor. Did I mention this is the first time I’m telling this story?
Needless to say, this affected our other meetings. I was insecure and edgy in every investor meeting. I realized that I would have to prove things that others don’t. I was frustrated. I was frustrated that it repeated itself in some of the next meetings. It could have been me throwing up my defenses and it could have been the investors themselves. Either way, that meeting marked me in some way.
I wanted to end this story on a positive note, about how I overcame these feelings, but that isn’t the case. On a professional level, we had to shut down the company (and just to be clear, I don’t think this had anything to do with these events! Startups are dissolved every day, it happens), so this isn’t a victory dance, a story of ‘I did it against all odds’. On a personal level, I hope that my sharing this story and dealing with it openly can improve the feelings I carry with me to this very day.
I don’t see myself as the luckiest person I know anymore. I don’t think that I’m the unluckiest, either. I’m just me, and unfortunately, for some people in the tech industry, that’s just not good enough.
Have a story to share? We’re looking for individuals who want to share the events they experienced while working for a tech company.
Anything you write will remain anonymous — WITHOUT the company’s name or yours. Our goal is to make you feel comfortable to share, encourage others and help us make the change for diversity and inclusion in tech.
You can contact Elad, our CMO, directly at: elad@joonko.co
