First Date: Want & Need Part I

She looked into the mirror again, this time moving her head from side to side, watching the top of her thick voluminous curly Black hair bounce across her forehead. It fell in a way that was curvy and voluptuous, just like her behind inside the fitted grey dress she had squeezed into. Tatiana turned around to glance at her ass and see how much of her dress covered. She looked good and it was okay if it was a little too short — she figured her black stockings would give it some modesty. She did not want to convey the wrong message. The dress was fairly simple with long sleeves and a high neckline, but her body stretched and pulled beneath it to display her assets.

Tatiana’s stomach was knotty and she wondered if it was good enough. It had been ages since her last date and she was pretty sure she liked this guy.

She then focused on her face. Her makeup looked natural — not too much but not plain. She wanted to put in the effort to play up her best features but not deceive the guy. A face fully covered in powder and cream over all already clear skin, dark eye shadow, which was appropriate for a night dinner date, to draw attention to her doe brown eyes, and soft rose pink point to soften and brighten the look of her full mouth. Still.

From the speakers behind her, the bass came in low, quiet, and deep from her speaker as it played her “Getting Ready” playlist — sexy, upbeat, and silky sounds. This way she could dance in the mirror, as she got ready. Burning off nervous energy, playing up her sexual confidence, and getting in a good mood all at once. She told herself that she was going to smoke a joint to quell her nerves because she wanted to be clear minded when she met him. And one glass of wine, she told herself.

She looked in the mirror again, imagining what it was like to stare at her.

What was he expecting? Some of the online profiles seemed as if the guys furiously typed them in some kind of masturbatory frenzy. But his profile portrayed an intelligent, thoughtful, renaissance, and, daresay, normal man. He stated what he enjoyed (using correct grammar and spelling) in a way that made him come off as honest, genuine, well mannered (and balanced!), and educated (he spoke more than one language). He liked reading books! And the Discovery channel! And, again, could spell! Intriguing.

She went into the closet and grabbed her perfectly simple black wool coat that was appropriate all the time. The last time she went out on a date she wore this exact coat — and that date was last season and in a different city. The guy was all right — Princeton grad, engineer, tall — but, unlike her coat, he did not last. Winter was over and she was not one to chase men. Now was the time for something she had been curious about, joked about with friends, dreamt about when an emergency fell into her lap, but never developed the self-assurance to think it through and go with it.

Her date’s pictures were clear and not sketchy and showed that he was about medium build, handsome face, and neat blonde hair. He did not ramble on and on with paragraphs upon paragraphs detailing his interests, his thoughts, his musings. Something she now recognized as a telltale sign of a potential narcissistic disorder. Who else, but a narcissist, would imagine someone taking the time to read through paragraphs upon paragraphs upon paragraphs about things about a stranger online?

Some guys don’t get it.

But he did.

Yet, she was still leery. Plenty of other men have come off intelligent and charming, only to end up being Jeffrey Dahmer, Craigslist Killer or, at best, just some guy who changes answers the door in silky pajamas after inviting you to movie night at his place.

So they exchanged messages, then shared emails, and eventually spoke on the phone. They talked about some common interests and made headway into clearing up getting to know each other, but what she remembered most was his voice — sexy, deep and sort of gruff! God, she missed listening to a deep male voice. Tatiana could tell that he enjoyed talking to her on the phone. She enjoyed talking to him, too. He listened. In their short conversation, she learned that, not only was that he was experienced and well read, which she had already made out, but that he was just…interesting. She tried her best to be cool and sexy on the phone, laugh gently — the more she talked to him, the more she wanted to impress him. She liked him.

They planned for dinner at 7pm on a Wednesday at a popular Thai restaurant. Wednesday morning she had a few meetings and tried to work in the afternoon, but she her excitement kept her from concentrating. A bit of fantasy romantic, she thought of him when a love song came on. Let me be your midnight sun, I will love you when the day is done. And in the deep of night, you can count on me to be your only light. She clicked to the next song and tried to focus on writing — Demographically, women whose narratives fit into this category were married, older, and were highly educated at the time of pregnancy. Contextually, fertility narratives…Google search for “first date outfit ideas.” She did not get much work done Wednesday afternoon.

Once in the car… Breezy evening, with temperatures in the low 50s…the radio DJ crooned over some clear saxophone notes in the background. She looked out at the clear inky blue night and smiled. Even though the air stung her nose from being too chilly, all of the snow and ice had melted and everything looked…crisper. She had spent so many of her nights inside, so it was nice just to be out at night. She had missed it. And here we go…