08–24–16 11:09 Thoughts

I had a dream of you last night and ever since then, I couldn’t help but allow the memories of us together flow through my mind. I must admit, I was extremely happy whenever we were together: when you were laying on my chest, when we were on Turtle Rock, cuddling; when you fed me food from Gogi because I was too tired/sick to feed myself while we were watching Parks and Recs.

Although the aftermath of our relationship was extremely messy, and although the relationship itself was kinda strange, I’d like to think that overall, what we had was really good. We skyped everyday and gave each other online kisses, when my parents were arguing and I was scared, you would calm me down and reassure me that things will be okay; when I was upset over my grades or over people, you would message me in the morning with encouraging, kind, loving words that made me forget all of my sorrows.

You were so loving and kind to me and then something happened and you wanted to break up. If your true reason was because we didn’t have much in common, then that’s fine — I understand, I guess. I wish you gave me more time, but you felt what you felt. The next day you found someone else and tried to keep our friendship while you were trying to unconciously getting into another relationship.

You tell me that you really did love me, and that I was special but you didn’t treat me that way. Maybe during the relationship, you did but the moment we broke up, you became a douchebag and now I’m left with these wonderful memories of our relationship and the horrendous aftermath of it.

I wish I never met you, AH. I wish I was never loved by you and I wish I never loved you. I wish I had more common sense back then to leave you sooner, but I was so madly in love with you.

Finally, I wish I could move on, but I don’t think that’s going to be possible unless I find someone else who loved me at least as much as you did during our relationship.

You suck.