Vows, and the Power of an Encounter — In Honor of Mike Shroyer

There are some people you know your entire life, and then there are those you pass by in an instant. Every so often, an experience or encounter you have with another in this sea of humanity changes the course of your walk and makes a lasting impact. Because of the brevity of these moments, they seem inconsequential in their time. You make no note, tell no soul. Yet, looking back, it was that very moment that slipped away so quickly that impacted you… and the person from whom came life’s change will never know.

I had one such encounter some time ago. Engaged to my current wife, I had promised engagement photos and there was only person in my mind who I trusted — Mabyn Ludke, a childhood friend. Mabyn had recently moved from New York down to a small town named Kernersville in North Carolina. She was staying in a large home currently being maintained by the Shroyers who had a dream of using it to help homeless and struggling families rebuild their love and unity. It was here I met Mike Shroyer while in town for a few days. Him and his wife Ami allowed us to stay in the home and spoke with something that is so rare today, it catches one off-guard when you perceive it — genuine care. They cared who we were, where we were going in life, and why we were going there. They asked questions and shared a fantastic weekend with me and my then fiancée.

Now, I am married to a Puerto Rican, which means she is stubborn, energetic, and feisty. She enjoys challenging everything, even if she agrees. I also have my traits that can be hard to deal with. At that time, we were still “sanding each other’s rough spots down”, so to speak. There was always a lot of tension and I was stressed. On the last day, Mike pulled Erika (my now wife) aside and spoke some words to her that touched her heart. I don’t know what he said, but she came up to me, gave me a hug, and said “We can do this, we must stick together because we have great things ahead of us.” That moment created a persistence about our marriage in her that she still holds today.

He also pulled me aside and shared something that he hadn’t shared with anybody before that. He spoke to me about the vows one makes to their wife when married. He had written a document on his commitment to his wife. When times were tough, and there are always tough times, he would refer to and reinvigorate himself with his promises. His vows were made not to be cute, to make his wife feel good, or to make the attending marriage crowd laugh; they were made on purpose, with the thought of what was going to be needed to help Ami flourish and his marriage last with impact. His talk, and sharing, touched something deep in my soul. The thought he put into these vows, and the lasting determination he had to review, update, and remind himself of them was amazing. He took them seriously and they changed his life.

With two months until my wedding day, I decided to do the same. I first thought about what love and marriage really was. I spoke to my advisors and mentors, my grandparents, and I consulted a book which contains great wisdom, the Bible. From these I also wrote vows to my wife. These vows I wrote have been stained into my mind. I think of them weekly. Perhaps it is the thought I put into them, or the applicability of their words; whatever the reason, these vows have kept me from derailing multiple times, and have instantly softened my heart when in a rage of anger (as I am known to be in from time to time). In honor of Mike Shroyer recently passing away at such a young age, I wanted to share the story of his encounter with myself, his impact on my marriage, and my vows with you — that his memory may live and perhaps touch another. If these vows or the event above touch you in some way, please leave a comment below and share this with anybody you feel would appreciate it.

It is because of these specific vows, and the process behind them, that my wife and I have an amazing relationship, partnership, and marriage. This can be witnessed by any of our friends in any of the places we live or have lived. I know I have something special with Erika because of the singlness of focus in my mind towards her; and that is a direct result of purposefully setting that focus with the below promises. I pray everyone reading this has or obtains a marriage remotely as empowering and satisfying as mine.

My Marriage Vows

A vow is a solemn promise or assertion; specifically, one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition. It is a covenant until death. In this I understand that my vow

stands long after my passion to follow it recedes
remains regardless of any act committed against me
and may at times be the only thing that seems to remain of our bond.

However, today I vow to you in front of our closest family and friends, that I might be held accountable on what I say not only to you, but to them as well.

I could find no better source from which to draw my vows than the word of God; a book which has brought the greatest success to any endeavor or relationship which has upheld its principles.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

1. I vow to love you.

In carrying this out I am telling you I will continue to lay down my dreams, my time, my resources, and my energy in order to provide for you safety, sustenance, and fully support your dreams and desires. I will both nourish you and cherish you, provide both protection and provision.

1 Peter 5:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

2. I vow to forgive you.

One of the greatest attributes of love is that of forgiveness. The act of letting wrongs go with absolutely no justice, and rendering kindness where equality says harm is needed. Nothing done between us will be unforgivable, and when you may fear that you crossed the line… I will forgive you. I won’t keep track of wrongs and I won’t keep score, each argumentative conclusion will begin our relationship anew as if nothing had occurred.

Matthew 20:26
Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,

3. I vow to lead you.

As a leader of our relationship, I vow to hold the best attribute of a leader, that of being a servant. When I feel like asserting authority in a given area, I will instead wash your feet. My focus will be to help you become the best version of yourself possible, even when it means sacrificing the best version of myself.

4. I vow myself to only you.

Our culture is built on many distractions that look to tear down the power of a pure marriage. I promise to you that my mind, my eyes, my longing will be only for you. I have seen most of what this world has to offer, and I prefer you.

1 Corinthians 13:8
Love never fails.

5. I vow to never give up.

It can often be much easier to walk away. As times get tough whether financially, emotionally, physically, or spiritually I will never give up. With my eyes on what is possible for you and for us, I will continue on, in struggle as in peace. I believe there are great things before us, and all great aspirations require great trials as a time of building character and foundation for the next step. I vow at each step to not only persevere with you, but to do so without giving in on my other vows as well.

While my vows may be somewhat untraditionally written, they are sincere. They are contracted with great thought, prayer, and even guidance. I vow to love you, to forgive you, to lead you, to be faithful, and to never give up.

And to our family, I ask that you support us both in our vows to each other, and hold us accountable to our commitments.