Kinship

I was at a friend’s birthday party last night. What I want to talk about is not the debauchery one usually finds at clubs. The extravagance of the venue and its patrons (spending hundreds of dollars for a single bottle of alcohol what?), or the attractiveness of the people.

She is (at least in my opinion), a popular girl. Someone who has a good range of friends, is relatively well off and lives freely. Does pretty much whatever she wants, is fairly set even after she completes her schooling. Yet at the same time, I saw a part of her last night that I never really thought existed. Looking back at it, I’m sure that it exists within all of us. An insecurity, that people don’t actually like us. That, at the end of the day we aren’t worth some peoples’ time.

Granted that she was pretty drunk during her breakdowns, however I believe that it simply loosened something inside of her where she allowed these fears and emotional demons to surface. It broke through her cheerful facade in surges. It’s funny in a sense, almost. She is a genuine person, someone that I can easily count as a friend. But for some reason, she just believed that her worth was non-existent, because some people didn’t come out. She first started cracking in the Uber on the way downtown, talking about if we were actually having fun, and telling us about her fears of people not showing up.

And it culminated in a full on mental breakdown of sobbing while inside the club (not making fun, just stating what happened here). She ended up eventually moving past it and enjoying herself towards the end on the dance floor, but for some reason it spoke to me in some way. No matter how happy or successful you are, everyone has some sort of problems, insecurities in a sense. Towards the end of the night, she was dancing on one of my good friends, and made out with another. But with me, she gave me a gigantic hug. And it felt good, like the warmth of a gentle sunset. I hugged her back in silence, just wrapping around her and letting her feel comfortable. It seemed to speak volumes almost, an apology in one sense, and a cry for help in another. And to be honest, that was probably the best part of the entire night.