How to Survive Fighting During Wedding Planning

I know when I was planning my wedding I often felt like I was up to my neck in sand — except every grain of sand was a stressful thought or an obsessive worry and also the sand had the voice of every hypothetically-judgey wedding guest who wasn’t going to like the colors I chose. Wedding planning is stressful, right, hello, can I get an amen?

I felt like I needed to throw up the bat signal!

Here’s the problem though: when you’re wedding planning and stressed there’s usually one person you take it out on the most…the person you’re marrying! In what backwards, upside down clown car of a reality does this make any sense? And yet most everyone has found themselves fighting during wedding planning at one time or another. It’s as inevitable as wedding DJs playing Uptown Funk at a 2015 wedding.

Wedding planning is stressful, right, hello, can I get an amen?

It makes sense that we find ourselves fighting during wedding planning. Emotions are running high. Money is involved. And, most likely, both partners feel certain expectations from their side of the family. Whether mom #1 is adamant that you hire a ten-piece orchestra for the reception or mom #2 is demanding she be seated away from the air conditioner, people probably have requests. This, in turn, results in conversations and negotiating between the couple. Which can quickly turn frustrating. Which can unravel into disagreements.

How to keep first things first

When looking for ways to survive a wedding-planning-fight it’s always important to remember to breathe. To step back. To allow yourselves some time away from the wedding planning process. While many details can often feel urgent and in need of immediate attention, the truth is most things can wait, if even for a few hours.

Give yourselves permission to press the pause button every once in a while. Tell the wedding planner you’ll get back to them first thing tomorrow. Ask your parents for the night to sleep on a subject. Then, spend some time with your partner not thinking about wedding planning at all.

During my wedding planning days my partner and I set aside afternoons each week where the wedding was off-limits. We would go on walks and talk about anything but the wedding. We would play bocce ball in the park, watch a movie on the couch, or cook dinner together. Mainly, we tried to do the simple things that reminded us why we wanted the wedding day in the first place.

It is easy to get lost in the minutiae of planning a wedding, suddenly feeling like the entire success of your wedding day rests on whether or not you can get puffy crab bites as an appetizer. But remember that your partner is on your side. They are your support and the only other person who knows exactly how you’re feeling at this moment. Hold them close. Laugh at the absurdity of the situation. List three reasons, out loud, why you are excited to share your future with them.

Find your (software) sidekick

Looking for ways to alleviate some of the everyday stress of wedding planning? Creating a beautiful wedding website for your guests, like the kind you’ll find at Joy, can transform your planning process from a nightmare to a dream. Never underestimate the power of a good sidekick and a stellar wedding website can be like the Robin to your Batman. Kapow!

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