I bet you look fucking amazing kicking arse dripping in Dior.

From Brownie expulsion to punk vomit bars to good as wood Chardonnays (I preferred them buttery but oak’s all good) and Sauvignon Blanc – we’re a long way from Marianne Faithfull but we would probably give most a run for their money.

I look OK in black too, by the way (I throw a pretty loaded hairy eyeball, Spring or Winter) so at least we have our look down pat.

I am a capable seamstress so I’m less Dior and more ‘I’ll just whip a little something up and chuck that on’ depending on what album I’m listening to.

How many followers do you have? If you get too many we may need to renegotiate our friendship.

Till then – we’re a match made in ex-Brownie heaven.