THOMAS I’m sorry to hear you aren’t well. Ok well you know the best cure for this is as follows:

First, turn the stove element in to medium. Get your mouth full of cold water and hold it in there. Wrap yourself in a handkerchief (tie all four corners together, neatly, it must be neatly). Hop up onto the stovetop so that your bum is sitting directly on the element. Wait until the water in your mouth boils.

Oh — hangon, hangon, hangon — this is the cure for hiccups.

The cure for a head cold — starve a cold, feed a fever. Hangon — no — feed a cold, starve a fever. No — the first one. It’s the first one.