How to avoid having frustrating conversations
In a recent segment on Univision, we discussed how our inner state and ability to listen may lead to the frustrating conversations we can end up having.
How do we stop from sabotaging ourselves? How can we stop having frustrating conversations, especially since we can do so much more with the time they take up?
Here is the video for you to see. If you don’t know Spanish, don’t worry, I cover the main points in English below.
What is inside comes up outside
Our outer experience is a reflection of our inner experience, and this couldn’t be truer in what, how, and when we choose to communicate.
I know this might be hard to accept at first, but give it a chance.
We don’t want to because it’s so much easier to point the finger and blame someone else. I can absolutely say I understand this (mostly because this is what I want to do in frustrating conversations).
It’s so much easier to say: “I wouldn’t be in a frustrating conversation if this other person would _________ (fill in the blank with your favorite excuse)”.
Two things reflect our inner state.
- WHAT we say in a conversation:
The words, phrases and tone you choose in a conversation will reflect your inner state.
Have you ever felt defensive, thinking you will be attacked in a conversation? Your words will reveal your inner state of defensiveness, fear and low self-confidence.
Do you feel insecure? Or maybe you think you are so much better than everyone else? It is almost inevitable to reveal this unless you are self-aware of your internal state.
- HOW we experience the conversation:
If you are depressed, it is pretty unlikely that you will experience any conversation as joyful.
If you are anxious, almost anything anyone says to you will make you nervous…That statement is anxiety provoking in itself!
Listening is even more important
What can further lead you down the path of having a frustrating conversation?
Not having the ability to listen to what others are saying.
The only way we can understand is by listening. And the only way we can move forward in life is by understanding.
Yes, we are that dependent on others in order to move further. And guess what? We know it and hence why our conversations become frustrating at times. If not, why would they become frustrating? We wouldn’t care enough to get frustrated.
How do we stop sabotaging ourselves into frustrating conversations?
- Improve your inside so it is reflective of what you want outside
You always want to ask yourself the question: What do I want in my life and how can I start with myself first in order to create this (versus waiting for this to happen)?
Here are some resources for you:
- This is why people treat you the way they do
- These things will limit your communication
- Your life: When is the best time to work on it?
- Learn to become a better listener
I will put together something for you guys on this soon. I can’t wait, as getting better at this improved my life incredibly.
In the meantime, here’s my favorite book that will help you become a better listener.
As always, I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment or question below.
If you enjoyed this post, I would be honored if you share it with your friends, family, and community.
About Judith Duval
I teach others to make better choices and live their best life as an entrepreneur and TV personality. I combine a business background (Wharton, Stanford Business School, JPMorgan, Bain, Sephora) and a leadership background (CTI Co-Active Coaching & Leadership Training, Landmark, Gallup, among other) with my passion to live the very best life possible every single day. I am originally from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic and currently reside in California’s Bay Area. Learn more here.