Well there’s clearly something wrong if women feel like this and maybe things have got worse, not better at the grass roots in tech but the above sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy. My advice is — don’t make it true.
How am I qualified to say this? I made a career in IT work for me. I started in the days when IT was called Computing and I didn’t see a computer until after I’d been on a Cobol training course. Yes, I had maternity leave but most women didn’t go back to work in those days so I followed suit. I took 6 years off and although I was miserable, I thought it was impossible to resume my career. But either I got lucky or I believed in myself and I got another job.
On a couple of other occassions I have taken time out and by luck and /or persistence I resumed my career. I think most industries are ageist, sexist and possibly racist; you just have to get on with it and focus on doing a good job.
What am I working on now ? I’m the technical project manager implementing a diversity monitoring system within the UK broadcasting (TV) industry.