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We’ve all learned how to move toward pleasure and away from pain in our relationship interactions. When Professional Women (or others) get caught up in confusing interactions, it’s “normal” to question our “normal.” As kids, it’s okay to play “trick or treat.” But when it comes to adult relationships, it can be rather scary. That’s why we need clarity about the 5 scary tricks that make you confused in a relationship. Clarity is the first step of awareness to change what I define as the “dance pattern.”

The five scary tricks include: gaslighting, guessing, grumpy, gloomy, and gregarious.

Scary Trick # 1 — Gaslighting

The term…


Three Tips Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know

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Are you a Mental Health Professional? Do you need confidence in counseling sessions, because you deal with messy relationships at home?

Do you wonder if others struggle with personal issues like you do? Well, look no further. This article addresses overcoming Imposter Syndrome Every Mental Health Professional needs to know. These tips will help you accept, align, and articulate your next steps.

Tip # 1 Accept your imperfections

We all need to grow into acceptance of our imperfections. This tip is vitally important as we meet with our clients in counseling sessions. Many clients will think you’ve arrived at your perfect destiny in life just because you are a therapist. But it’s our responsibility to normalize that we are all in process.

Even though we’re trained with…


3 Tips to Attract Ideal Clients Every Mental Health Professional Needs
3 Tips to Attract Ideal Clients Every Mental Health Professional Needs
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There’s no doubt that every Mental Health Professional starts out with a whole lot of questions, especially at the beginning. The problem is, many experience burnout and stress by being a “general practitioner.” They take on cases that drain their energy. It might be the insurance industry, or just thinking they need to fill up their hours. Rather than submit to systems that feel too enclosed, many just throw up their hands and give up. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are 3 tips to attract ideal clients every mental health professional needs. These three tips will…


Transform Regret Into Powerful Life Lessons
Transform Regret Into Powerful Life Lessons

I was trying to squeeze too much into my day and said “yes” when I should have said, “not now.” I began feeling regret and anger with myself for missing out. Really, I made the wrong decision. We all know what that feels like. As we face our not-so-good decisions, can know how to transform regret into powerful life lessons.

Some folks say they intend to live with no regrets. And I think, really? Is that even possible?

I don’t believe we can live our entire lives without regrets.

No matter how intentional we are, we all experience regrets. Those of us who admit our regrets can become stuck in sadness…


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Are you among the masters or the disasters?

When my husband and I attended his 45th High School Reunion, there were a handful of couples who had been married over forty years! I was curious about the secret to their success. Of course, I want wisdom for my marriage. And I want to help others with “how to know the state of your marriage.” Beyond my clinical knowledge and experience, this was a perfect time to ask. Besides, my husband knew these couples since adolescence. And it was the best environment outside my counseling office to get insight.

40-year Marriage Testimonies:

“We’ve been through a lot. And we have some major…


When you need a better answer than, “it depends.”

Image by Mabel Amber, still incognito… from Pixabay

When it comes to couples counseling, we all want to know how much time, energy, and money it will take to improve. A common question is: How long does it take to improve your marriage? But what they’re really asking is “How long will it take for us to get the momentum we need once we come to counseling?

To Improve, it takes a lifetime

Our friends who’ve been married for more than forty years tell me they’ve had several different marriages. And they also say they are different spouses than they were when they said, “I…


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Learn that Relationship Patterns are like Dance Movements

I’ve been blessed to hear multitudes of stories from counseling couples over the years. As a result, I’ve come to believe there are three requirements of real relationships. The reason I say “real” is because some relationships don’t operate from the same reality. The story of defining real relationships begins with my learning to dance.

Relationship Patterns Are Like Dance Movements

I grew up in a faith tradition that doesn’t believe in playing cards, smoking, and drinking. Most of all, it was an unpardonable sin to engage in pre-marital dancing! As a result, it was like I denied a “real” part of myself. …


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Many prospective clients are unsure of whether they need individual or marriage counseling. Some have told me they don’t know themselves within their marriages. It’s a common complaint from those who have been married for decades. I must say, I hear it most from women in the “empty nest” stage of life. As a result, here’s how to be your authentic self in a difficult marriage.

First of all, we need to identify our terms. 1. Difficult marriage and 2. Authentic self.

What is a Difficult Marriage?

There is a difference between “difficult” and “destructive” marriages. In addition, various seasons of marriage will manifest in…


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Many of us feel relief at the start of 2020. And it’s not only a New Year, but a new decade! To start out right, there are three mistakes to avoid in the New Year. Maybe you’re like many leaders I know who reflect and write down their goals. Or, you might be relieved to just say “good-bye” to 2019.

Wherever you are, all of us want to start the year out right. And of course, we want to avoid mistakes.

Here are three mistakes to avoid in the New Year. Those include: ignoring regrets, ignoring accomplishments, and ignoring vision.

Mistake # 1 — Ignoring Regrets


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One thing you must know about marital growth is this. There’s a difference between closeness and intimacy.

We’re all designed for relationships. We may be single, married, widowed or divorced. But when it comes to marriage, there’s one thing you must know about marital growth — the difference between closeness and intimacy.

We desire to be loved by another human being in spite of our flaws. Yet we balk at knowing and being known. It’s risky because our spouse may not accept us. As a result, we keep an emotional distance to hide our vulnerability. …

Judy Herman, LPC-MHSP

Advocate for authentic humanity. Author of “Beyond Messy Relationships: Divine Invitations to Your Authentic Self.” Counselor & speaker exploring the world.

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