Ah yes, lip and tongue ties are the bane of breastfeeding! So frustrating that so many so-called professionals just lay blame versus really trying to figure out what is going on.
My girl did not have any lip or tongue ties and she latched pretty well. She had jaundice at first and was very sleepy at the breast – I used all the tricks they told me to do while trying to keep her awake for feedings (plus waking her up every two-three hours in the night for feeds), but my supply took a hit because of that early lack of milk stimulation.
Plus, I had many of the hallmarks of “insufficient glandular tissue” – which have symptoms like breast size not changing much during pregnancy etc.
There is not much they can do about that, but since it is a recognized condition, you’d think someone along the line might have at least screened me for it, and then I could have been prepared. But they were all just focused on repeating “breast is best” (Which was silly to reinforce with me, since I had been vocal about wanting to breastfeed. I did not need convincing!).
Anyway, sorry you and your wife had to go through that! It is much harder on a family than many realize.