Whenever I think of this stuff, I think about all the things I watched as a child in the 70's and early 80's. Pepe le Pew comes to mind, plus a whole host of other TV shows that assumed that girls/women must be coerced on some level to engage in any kind of sexual intimacy, i.e., the whole “girl runs away at first, but the boy catches her and then she magically submits to his overpowering appeal” trope.

I think a lot of people – men and a fair number of women – are really invested in this particular sexual narrative. To many, that is what sex *is.* That is what pushes their buttons etc. Men chase women – that is how it is “supposed” to be.

So to challenge that narrative is very difficult and makes a lot of guys “head hurt,” as you say, because they literally do not know how to think of sex in any other way. They do not believe certain actions are rape or even coercive because to them, all that stuff is just “sex.”

From their POV, where sex is *defined* by coercion and even force, the lines between rape and consensual sex are very confusing and blurry.

I am convinced that a lot of education involves putting different kinds of sexual narratives out there – particularly in mainstream media.

Let’s disrupt this “guy chases girl, she gives in” story, and attempt to show people what true, joyful consent looks like. That means putting it in TV and movies and books and yes, even porn.

Offer a variety of healthier sexual narratives – stories – and I really think a lot of people will cling less tightly to the one main unhealthy one they know.