Well fuck me I just wrote this long and eloquent response and it got deleted (O.K. accidentally by me). My two main points are that:
- I did same things this you did this summer pretty much and some of what I did, eating better and keeping the weight off and sleeping better I have maintained; and some barely got going, but it’s not all or nothing. All of it for me is hard to maintain every single day and I do the best I can and try hard not to beat myself up, which is difficult because of the depression.
- I am extremely smart, and a great writer (not evident in this, which is actually a terrible 2nd draft) and work hard, etc. but cannot keep a job, or lately find one, grew up middle class, went to good schools, have a law degree, etc. A therapist recently said, “Oh, you’ll get a job, you’ll keep it, you’re taking great meds, you have a great psychiatrist…” and lately I’m thinking, maybe life doesn’t always have the fairy tale ending for the person who works really hard and is really smart and has the breakthrough. Life isn’t Good Will Hunting (no relation?). Maybe my circumstances will continue to decline. I’m already applying for disability, which I don’t think I’ll get because I’m working part-time. I’m not bitter, I just do the best I can, it might not get better for me, whatever?