Limiting Liberty Will Make You Free

Find My Spouse

Howard Rheingold says “the idea that your spouse or your parents don’t know where you are at all times may be part of the past. Is that good or bad? Will that make for better marriages or worse marriages? I don’t know.” Rheingold identifies that as technologies change, so will our social and romantic lives. Devices that could be tracked more easily will lead to spouses knowing exactly where each other are. We can see this technology, more in its infant state today, such as Find My iPhone. This allows users to see where the iPhone is at all times, and since our phones are ALWAYS with us, we practically know where that person is at all times. The question is, how does this affect our relationships?

I Do

Let us think what an “ideal marriage” should incorporate. Values such as trust, honesty, and loyalty are three qualities that are usually associated with good marriages. Knowing where your partner is at all times affects each value in different ways. In the past, you had to have trust in your spouse in order to have the two other qualities; one has to trust their spouse is telling the truth and trust that they are not cheating on you. Today, however, social media as well as tracking circumvents trust and lead to first a belief in honesty and loyalty, which will lead to trust. For example, knowing that your spouse never goes anywhere they should not be going and are not talking to who they should not be talking to, will lead to you trusting them. This leads to an evidence based trust rather than a faith based one.

John Stuart Mill is Wrong

In short, Mill believes if something is “limiting one’s liberty” it is bad, especially if what that individual wants to do is only affecting themselves. This, in my opinion, is wrong because more often than not we are horrible at predicting the outcomes of things, hindering our ability to know if our actions will affect others. Read Oedipus Rex if you would like an example. Lets apply this principle to marriages. Cheating on a spouse, or rather being cheated on is probably something someone would never want to happen to them. Technically, however, if you did not know you were being cheated on, then it would be perfectly fine because your spouse has the pleasure of intimacy with your neighbor when you leave for work and you have the bliss of ignorance. With technology, we are limited to what we do in terms of we will always face the consequences because our spouse will always be aware. When in relationships, limiting what your spouse can do without you knowing will make for better marriages because it will gently nudge you to, you know, actually commit to each other and be faithful.

Question: Does spying on your spouse lead to a new sense of honesty and trust or a diminishing of those qualities?