Theoretically I know exactly what I should be doing — the Facebook newsfeed never fails to remind me about how it is done. The “10 reasons why and 10 things you should do” posts about how to become just like your supposed idols know it all…. There are blogs, books, movies, audiobooks and god knows what telling people how it is done. So why do I feel there’s something wrong?

Do I need to change my personality into something I’m not? Is there even such a thing as personality or is it just your environment shaping you into what you eventually become? Is it even worth thinking about this anyway? I feel like Patrick Bateman balancing on the edge of frenzy, captured between personalities switching from despair and the desire for self-destruction, to manic motivated me, wanting to change the world.

A positive environment is great, it carries you along and before you know it you become one of “them”. But I wonder if being happy all the time is a good thing; negative and difficult topics are carefully avoided, since nobody wants to be a downer; or do people generally just not care? It’s great we all want to be healthy and happy all the time, but aren’t we just living in an illusory world blending out what’s really happening all around us?

We are told to get rid of “toxic” people — does this mean we should not care about people having a bad time? Could they “infect” us with their negative thoughts or worse, hinder us on our ultimate goal of making a lot of money? I am fairly certain most people are not always happy, but they constantly act as if they were, reinforcing a feedback loop of people trying to maintain their artificial behavior. This results in a comedy like situation, where everyone tries to convince the other person of one ‘s own happiness.

Sure nobody likes people talking non-stop about their problems, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Modern society is a breeding cell for narcissists and shallow conversations, but that’s perfectly fine as long as you are happy. I think people should be able to really be themselves even if it means not desperately showing how much they enjoy something. You shouldn’t need to justify yourself, because your are not constantly smiling…