An Open Letter to Linda Ronstadt

I’ve had a schoolboy crush on Ms. Ronstadt — a good, chaste, respectable crush unlike that sordid thing I had for that strumpet Olivia Newton John after she modeled that black leather jumpsuit on the cover of “Totally Hot” — ever since that album cover and associated poster of her in the blue satin jacket, lacing up roller skates. It was on the wall at the Roller Rink when I was in sixth grade, in about 1978, and still there 30 years later — nobody dreamed of taking it down — when I returned home to take my kids there just before the place closed down.

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