It is a rocky road being a parent. We live in a world of books and media preaching perfection, but fantasies should stay in Disney stories. Even then it’s usually a single parent trying to do their best, so even fantasy stories know life is hard.
You are an incredible person choosing to fight for each day. That is commendable! Not every person owns the strength to do that, so give yourself the credit you deserve. Our minds are often our own worst enemy anyway, and I assure you that the honesty from your child’s eyes is your truth teller.
I admire your story and your strength to tell it!