I’m Tired of Being a WASP Woman’s Scapegoat

Sup? It’s me, a Jewish chick. Recently, a writer named Carey thought it’d be fun to talk about how a few Jewish guys she dated broke up with her because she’s not Jewish. Also, she wears pearls and is very blond. This was something Carey thought was important to note. Oh, and she’s real wild because she knows how to make martinis.

See, Carey is an expert on Judaism because she dated a few Jewish guys. Her expertise surmises that Jewish guys ultimately end up with Jewish girls because that’s what all of our mother’s want. Carey is stuck being the rebellion. She is the WASP every Jewish boy wants a taste of before they’re doomed to be with a Jewish girl. Carey’s piece, whether intentional or not, implies that Jewish men are stuck with Jewish women, even though deep down, they really want to be with women like her.

Something I’ve often discussed in my stand up (yes,obviously I am a comedian) is the fact that Jewish girls aren’t really well liked. It’s obviously a problematic premise at face value, but the point is that Jewish women have a lot of stereotypes against us. We’re often viewed as bossy, loud, overbearing, domineering, and controlling.

That’s where women like Carey swoop in and present themselves as the opposite of that. The pleasant WASP who will never be a bitch to you. She’s mild-mannered and kind. She’s not like those mean Jewish girls who will yell at you any chance they get. All she wants is for you to relax and drink a martini. (Is it just me or does Carey seem to live inside an episode of “Mad Men”?)

Carey, I don’t think you’re a bad person, but I do think you stand for something Jewish women have a long history of having to rebel against. For many men, Jewish women are terrifying because they know the stereotypes that have been perpetuated about us for centuries. To summarize it all as kindly as I can, Jewish women are “difficult”.

Frankly, I’m delighted to be difficult. What you might see as bossy and loud, I see as fearless and strong. After years of trying to be a Carey, I realized just how stupid that struggle was. I’m proud of my heritage for inspiring women to be opinionated. Of course, like all other religions, Jews haven’t always been fair to women and, like all other religions, still favor us in domestic roles. However, within those confines, Jewish women often became the leaders of their families. Many of us grew up in matriarchal households, our mothers being the deciders in what goes on in our day to day lives. This is somewhat revolutionary considering it was going on decades before women could even vote.

With that being said, I thank my overbearing Jewish mother every day for making me the woman I am now. Yes, we had our issues as I was growing up, but now as an adult I see more clearly how lucky I was to be taught about life by such a strong woman. She never gives up a fight, says what’s on her mind, and encourages me to do the same. Sure, she is still rooted in tradition in ways that I am not. Naturally, her number one dream is for me to get married and have babies, and maybe give up the whole comedy thing for a more “stable” job. However, I wouldn’t be fighting her as hard as I am on all of that if it wasn’t for what she taught me. In other words, mom, you made me like this.

So, go ahead, call me bossy and mean. Call me overbearing and controlling. I won’t fight it. I embrace all the stereotypes about Jewish women because I know what they really mean. They’re an attempt to tame us. Less young men might want to date us because of it, but, as Carey notes, they’ll come around. Not because of our religion, or because of our mothers, but because grown ass men (Jewish or not) eventually want to end up with grown ass women (Jewish or not).

With that being said, my advice for Carey is to grow the fuck up.