Me Too to We Can
As the world continues to debate the #MeToo campaign, I want to take a fresh step towards solving this problem, by committing to a We Can campaign. The problem has been well and truly identified. But more importantly, if this is happening to us as adults, how are children on social media platforms being treated? What are children learning?
As a mother, an advocate, and tech entrepreneur I cannot help but see problems and desire to find solutions. I am wired to seek a solution with such a voracious appetite I drive most people plain irritated.
When I started my journey into technology, I did not know about the culture, it never occurred to me that I did not belong here. I saw what was happening to my children with their devices. I saw my friends lose themselves mid dinner into their device, as though it was more interesting than what was in front of them. (To be fair, some things are more interesting online and we all want to escape sometimes.)
With a background in psychology, I could see that these devices and the platforms would rob us of our precious time. It is a very slippery slope between useful and when it begins to condition behavior. Our trust, our faith, and most of all our deep desire for love is being tested in open social media platforms. Yet on the same front, women all over the world can mobilize. We can share our stories of #MeToo. We can empathize and most of all we can be heard. That is beautiful. This aspect of social media is a wonderful lesson to children.
As I spend time with my children, they have shown me the dark side of social media. How they cannot process what happens to them. Boys asking for nudes, photoshopped images, snippets of videos that tell only portions of the story, the inability to see when they are being advertised to.
Showing people as “perfect” on Instagram does not teach children diversity, acceptance of flaws, and most of all love.
Sexual whitewashing and harassment in social media for teens is rampant. Ask a teen and they will tell you what happens. Cyber bullying is only one symptom, everything else is subtle and at times very overt. Teaching both boys and girls that their image is everything, sexualized photos show up higher in feeds, and zero to no ramifications for boys asking girls for nudes or for labeling girls as “smashable” or “slammable” — both words which have incredibly violent connotations and are used to describe the act of sex.
If you have ever looked at the hashtags on your child’s feed, it is shocking and alarming. In a candid conversation, my own 14 year old looked at me beautifully naïve and said “Mom, I want to be on that list.” Since I was trying to gain her trust I had to hide my shock and sadness so she would continue to tell me more. When I asked if it made her feel good to know that she is “smashable,” her response, “Does that mean the boy likes me, mom?” See how confusing this is for youth?
The beauty of the #MeToo campaign is that it is shedding light on pervasive sexual harassment. Both girls and boys are currently being taught on social media that is not only okay, but it is how they become popular. We as parents must awaken and ask the questions: Where does someone first learn that is okay? Where is it normalized for Children? Are we as parents okay with this? What do we do about it?
We Can
Question
Ask your children to walk you through their experience on social media. Tell them you will not be mad or judge, but simply want to see their world. Look at the “explore” tab on Instagram to see what pops up. See the world from your child’s perspective.
Have a different conversation
Talk about what is right, what is wrong. Begin to change the rules around social media.
Demand the phone every night before they go bed. Insist on it. Why? At night when the teenager’s brain is sleepy, the subconscious absorbs so much imagery. Messages that are curbing the way your child sees the world and most importantly the opposite gender. Let alone that nothing good happens in a teens world after 9pm on social media. They can see their friends in real time on Snapchat at a party they were not invited to, which makes them sad and susceptible, which then leads to different decisions. Like sending that nude this time after saying no before.
Children just want to belong, that is their deepest longing. They want to belong and they want to be loved.
Take precautions
We Can protect our children. Nurture our children and change this dynamic right now. Because of #MeToo, we are awake. Because of #MeToo we must ask: How did we end up here? We can and we must change this for our children. As parents, We Can change this right now.
A Better Social Media
When I created Mazu it was the one fundamental question: Where is the Digital Village that teaches core values to my children and protects them? When I looked around I knew our social media platforms were not built for young brains. Their brains cannot process the information they receive, but it does shape the idea that gender identity and lack of authenticity is okay. I knew I had to enter the field of technology and bring back the focus of love and family.
If tech created the problem, could it also be used for good? I am still testing the experiment today but we need you. You the parent. We want to build this with you. What else do we need to know? How can we create the Digital Village further? We must and we can take back our children.
Join Mazu and let’s change this together. WE CAN!
