Secrets Will Ruin Your Life
*disclaimer: This article will sound pious and self-righteous, but it really isn’t. I have been on the wrong side of this advice and I saw the error of my ways. Things were extremely difficult for me for a few years, but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me: the truth.
What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?
It can be our little secret, or is it?
Have you ever told yourself these things?
You keep the secret because you are worried it would hurt their feelings to know the truth.
But you weren’t worried about their feelings when you did the thing you are keeping a secret, were you?
Now you have to keep it a secret. Place it in your back pocket and carry it with you, everywhere, forever.
You can act like it’s not there.
You tell people it’s not there.
You tell yourself it’s not there, it’s no big deal, it was only that once, or everyone does it.
Which is your favorite excuse?
Which one makes you feel ok about your secret? Your lie? Which one allows you to sleep at night?
The Real Secret
The truth is, everything you think you are doing by keeping that secret is slowly eating you alive.
Secrets are a cancer.
You can ignore them all you want. Tell whatever stories you want to, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there, and it’s destroying you, one cell at a time.
Doing drugs? Cheating? Drinking? Gambling? Flirting a little too much? Just getting a little high? What is it? What’s your cancer?
None of them is better or worse than the other. Secrets are secrets. The punishments may be different, but the cancers are all the same.
Telling the people you love and care about is out of the question because you know it will hurt them. As long as they don’t know, everything is ok, you have it under control. But you don’t. Your thinking has been flawed from the beginning. It shouldn’t have been done in the first place, and now you are justifying it. What an asshole.
Each of those secrets, each time you have to tell a lie to cover up those secrets, you are driving a wedge in to your relationships, and you are slowly killing yourself from the inside out.
If you are honest (which isn’t likely), you are just trying to avoid confrontation, or worse, punishment. Deep down you know what you are doing is wrong, but we are fascinating beasts, we just tell ourselves it is ok, using any excuse we can get our hands on, and voila! We excuse ourselves. Like magic.
If you are holding back a piece of yourself, you are never truly present. It is just sitting in the corner of every room, forcing you to keep your eye on it. Is it going to come out? Or is it just going to sit there? What if they see it? Over and over, day after day, this ball and chain that you attached to your own ankle is being dragged around, making it difficult to truly walk with the ones you love.
Why don’t you just let it go? Take it off. Be free.
Because you are afraid.
You want your cake and eat it too.
You want to do what you want to do, with zero regard to friends, family, and loved ones, but you don’t want them to know. You are what I would refer to, as a dickhead. You want them to think you are a good person. Maybe you are, but not right now, and that is killing you, whether you want to recognize it or not. You know they will look down on you. You know they will be mad at you, or maybe even hate you. It’s better to tuck it down deep inside, to sit on it, than let it out. You are jumping on the grenade. Now you feel good about yourself. Taking one for the team. What an asshole.
Stop pretending they can’t feel your secret. They know something is up. They know the real you. Just because you haven’t said it doesn’t mean you don’t wear it on your sleeve. They can smell the alcohol, they see your pupils, they know you don’t normally stay at work that late, they saw the bank statement. They know. But it’s not true if you don’t admit it, right? Deny, deny, deny as you slowly die, die, die.
Set Yourself Free
Tell the truth.
It is going to hurt, you and them.
You should have thought of that when you did it, or did it the first time, and every time after that, but you didn’t. Whatever happens, you deserve it, but they deserve the truth even more.
Worst case scenario, they are done with you. Should they give you a second chance? Or third? Maybe, maybe not, but you have given them the choice. Now that they have the truth, they can deal with the real you, at least what you have really done.
Best case scenario, they punch you in the face and give you that second or third chance. What that allows you to do is address the needs of the situation honestly. No more lies. No more stories. No more pretending. It is just you and the truth. Everyone can see it for what it is and you can attack it accordingly.
This will be the best and worst day of your life.
I did, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever since T-Day my life has been getting better and better.
Just do it. (This blog is not brought to you by Nike, but it should be).
You know it is the right thing to do.