Why do mean words said to us from others hurt? We may not even know the person who is insulting us, but their scornful words makes a scar in our memory. I bet you remember many more mean and hurtful things that have been said to you than words of kindness and compliments!
I learned from my parents:
“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Unfortunately, a lot of people didn’t get that training when they were young.
I am constantly amazed that people feel entitled to judge and comment about other people. Why do they do it? What is the purpose of their scornful comments? It’s to HURT you. That tells you a lot about them.
Some of these hate-filled people claim they want to help you because being fat is going to kill you (which according to NIH is not actually true). But you won’t hear them telling someone not to ride a motorcycle or play football because that could harm them. That’s because it really isn’t about wanting to help someone, it’s about fat-shaming them.
For us larger people, if you are unhappy or feel shame about your body it makes their words hurt. It’s so hard to totally reject the incivility of others and let it bounce off you when their words find a tiny voice of agreement inside yourself. In order to repel the insult and not be hurt by those words you must get to a point where YOU accept your body. By loving and accepting yourself right now, the way you are you become deaf to the cruel remarks of others. Is that easy? Absolutely not!
It helps to remember that anything that ANYONE says to you is simply THEIR OPINION. The words that come out of their mouth defines the kind of person they are. Mean- spirited people who taunt and voice expletives at others are not kind people. By responding back to them with rancor or sadness, we are giving them power over us. That’s just what they want.
You must find in your own heart the way to respond that empowers YOU and doesn’t give them what they want. I believe that making a retort with forgiveness to them elevates you.
“When I hear the words you said that intended to hurt me, it makes me realize that someone hurt you in your life. I’m sorry for that, and I forgive you.”
I believe that when you leave that person you will feel calm and good about yourself, instead of agitated and upset.
It works because you realize they never had the kind of upbringing that would make them a kind or caring person. They are to be pitied.
Another retort that I have taught to other that helps me is: “Your opinion about me is none of my business”. Yes, there will always be people who are shallow and cruel to others. The best thing we can do for ourselves is realize that it’s a sad or sick person’s opinion. Let your understanding of that fact make YOU stronger and increase your self-esteem.