Justin Walters
Jul 30, 2017 · 2 min read

Your relationship sounds extremely unhealthy. I would seek counseling if I were you.

Every couple has disagreements. However, it seems like you are constantly trying to “fix” your S.O. You are constantly putting him on trial. This is a huge marker for abusive relationships.

Of course it’s important for your S.O. to understand the trials of racism that you experience. However, giving him some reading and then “testing” him on it is abuse, plain and simple. Your S.O. has to want to understand if he is ever going to understand.

I don’t agree with your S.O. blaming immigrants for rapes in Sweden. However, I can see where he would get the idea. My guess is that he is probably more interested in the conspiratorial aspect of it all more than he is interested in bashing immigrants. I could be totally of mark here as well.

Regardless, any type of relationship is a two-way street. Your S.O. needs to make an effort to understand you, and you need to make an effort to understand him. It’s fairly clear from your article that you did not even remotely attempt to understand your S.O.’s opinion because of your own cognitive biases. He may be wrong, and that’s fine. However, you should at the very least listen to what he has to say. At least pretend to care about his opinion a little bit.

Your relationship shouldn’t be about him being white and you being black. Your relationship is a relationship between two human beings. As such, you should treat each other as such. Don’t let the bigotry and idiocy of others ruin the love you have.

Also, please don’t handwave this away as “whitesplaining” or something like that. An open discourse is how we make progress as a society.

Justin Walters

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California Native, programmer, and explorer