I was watching a heated little league game between the Giants and the Cardinals. The atmosphere was electric as these two 8-year-old teams played their little hearts out. At one point in the game, a member of the Giants stepped to the plate; his mom was shouting hitting instructions before each pitch. “Keep your elbow up!”, “Spread your feet!”, “Don’t swing at bad pitches!” After a three pitches, the kid had the audacity to step out of the box, look at his Mom, and yell, “You’re not helping!”

While I don’t condone yelling at parents, I can understand why this youngster snapped—In the middle of an at-bat, reminders from a loving mother was doing more damage than good.

As a parent, you sometimes want your child to succeed more than your child does! If you are look for ways to help but don’t know how, try these out:

#1 — Have Good Body Language

I once heard this exchange between a father and son:

Dad: “Son, are you happy?”

Son: “Yea”

Dad: “Then don’t forget to tell your face.”

Research shows that a great majority of the message we convey to others is non-verbal. Youth athletes are constantly looking into the stands for Mom and Dad’s approval, and the look on your face speaks volumes. Make sure your body language is conveying the message, “I love to watch you play”.

(There’s a lot more to say about this topic but I’ll save it for another post)

#2- Help them focus on the process

A mother showed up to her son’s little league game 20 minutes after the first pitch. She quietly walked to the bench to ask her son what the score was. “We’re losing 15-0!” Puzzled, the Mom says, “It doesn't look like that score bothers you.” He confidently replied, “Of course not, we haven’t even got to hit yet!”

There’s nothing wrong with playing to be victorious, however, instead of emphasizing winning the game, put your focus on the effort it takes to be successful. Rather than celebrating the good results your child achieved, point out the things they did to achieve those results. The results mindset leads to added pressure, ineffective self-talk, and a decrease in effort level if your child doesn't perform well.

You shift your child into the results mindset by saying the following: “Your opponent is horrible, you better win”, “With all the money we’re spending on private lessons you should play better today”, or “Coaches are coming to watch you, you better do good”.

Instead, fill your child’s mind with process oriented phrases like, “Focus on what you can control”, “have fun”, and “play one pitch, serve, possession, or snap at a time”.

Focus on the process and let the results follow.