Journal #4 — I Don’t Know Why I…
I don’t know why I wrote this verse /
I relate to all the stories that Joe Budden’s been through /
Crazy when you hear the trials, tribulations and /
Decisions he had to make, but can’t relate to his breakthrough…
I still don’t really know why I wrote this song… To be honest, I think it was a bit of me just wanting to finish getting out everything so I could focus on whatever it was that’s next. Regardless, it’s always these types of songs that seem to get more traction for me, so I guess I’ll say it now before it becomes a thing: I’m never performing this song.
Cool beans. On to the rest of this entry.
Certain songs are dope moments, in the context of that moment. For instance, I talk about the disagreements between my Mother and I, but I love her, and that reality in the song isn’t a thing anymore (thank God). Maybe it’s because of COVID, maybe it’s other factors. I just know that I got to talk to my parents via video chat about a week after I released the project and my Dad has a whole beard, bruh.
Nah, seriously, he has a whole, actual beard since I saw him in February. He turned 67 the other day. It’s a blessing to still have them, and life is way too precious to squander that.
Life is also unrelenting sometimes. Going through situations that fall apart and then piece back together to lead to the next situation that dismantles itself to find the one lesson you needed to double back to the first situation to make gold out of it, but only to figure out it’s not gold but it’s still somewhat valuable and more suited for the newer idea… stuff like that. Content creation is an ever-evolving process for anybody that does it.
That’s one of the reasons watching the ascent of Joe Budden resonates a bit more for me than most.
I got to watch him be overly vocal in all of his music, to the point of actual, real life drama sparking because of it. Him going through all of his music issues to finally decide to find peace in the midst of it, retire from raps, and double down on content creation (podcast, Revolt, etc.) was an insane idea at first… but then the idea caught. And the breakthrough happened.
And he brought some of his nearest and dearest friends with him.
And he reminds himself and everyone else of that as part of the intro to every single podcast he hosts.
That’s got to be an incredible feeling. You see artists like Russ take ten years to catch, and finally ignite a spark and hit the ground running. All of that is dope for me to watch, but at the same time I’m wondering “Who’s next??” like I’m Hip Hop Harry, lol.
I’m not just watching, though. I’m actively pursuing it. Building a catalog. Working in silence so that what I do next inspires others around me. It’s not an “if” concerning the breakthrough, in my mind.
It’s a “when.”
I’m just doing what I can to expedite the process. Right now, it seems like making music is the answer.
I know I said this would be just four parts, but I think you know what happens tomorrow, right?
Wednesday’s entry.
L.J.
