How to Communicate with Your CRAZY Ex About the Kids

Focus on the Process of Co-Parenting and Not the Outcome of Your Divorce

Tired of battles with your ex about co-parenting? Fed up with name calling text messages? Done with e-mails that have nothing to do with the kids? Worried you will have to go back to court to make it all stop?

As a family law attorney, I spend a lot of time reviewing text messages, emails and co-parenting messages from online forums. My clients take great care to highlight sections to bolster their case.

“See right here, he said I was a narcissist because I don’t care about what my kid needs. This has to stop!” They ignore their own responses blaming the other parent for everything from missed cheerleading practice to global warming. It is a delicate dance pointing out their missteps. “Maybe she said that because you complained about paying child support?” Thinking I didn’t read the full message they point it out to me again.

“What about this? Right there, she admits it. She is laughing at me with our child. How is that okay?” They assume the worst. Ignoring the possibilities. “Maybe she was complimenting your sense of humor?” Pointing out alternative interpretations like being thankful for their child’s sense of humor only leads to more highlighting, finger pointing and requests to go to court.

The problem is they are still struggling with the outcome of their marriage. The divorce.

Divorce is number two on the top ten stressors hit list, right behind death of a spouse. After a death people need sympathy and time to grieve. After a divorce people want someone — preferably a judge — to tell them they were right. Justification, vindication, and confirmation all wrapped up in a tidy declaration of blame. The trouble is the justice system doesn’t work that way.

Court is not about the truth. It is about what you can prove.

Reading page after page of hatred, rage, and frustration is like flossing your teeth with barbed wire. Even worse, telling a parent that the judge won’t see things the way they do. Court has nothing to do with the truth. Courts are based on procedures and rules; they function on…