Women are individuals, not male accessories. We do not exist solely to gain male approval or some man to call our own.
Men Won’t Take You Seriously If
Olayemi Olurin

As a newly single woman (for the first time since high school) I must say I have been woefully unprepared for a general acceptance of this statement, by all genders alike.

My ill fated choice to get married at 25 now seems like a chore I was happy to get out of the way early in life — marriage — so to clear the way for KOB to “take over the world.”

A (now divorced) cherished best friend from childhood (now lost to alcoholism) once answered my question, “why did you marry X?” and her answer simultaneously shocked me in its quickness and honesty.

“I thought he was hot.”

Years later this very simple answer at first seemed uneducated, or without insight…until my marriage and life imploded and the tremors shook me awake and into this world of which you speak. I see now that I did this. Dating thru college and into adulthood what else did i do at 25? He was good looking enuf, he stayed out of the line of fire so I could find the girl who should have been found before marriage.

I liked having this out of the way, like a checkmark on a box. And now I understand why.

I am consistently shocked at the people of all genders who assume my divorce was some sort of let down, or failure for which I must get back up and dust off my labido, or need a hand in…and get back in “the game.”

First of all, unless it is “the game” of radical empathy and collecting perspectives around the globe this is a foreign concept to me.


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