The End My Innocence: August, 2009

When Chronic Illness forced me to stop working I started writing. What followed would be the beginning of an 8 year fight for my life and my voice.

Below, this sweet girl has no idea how things will challenge her will to exist, or the strength she would find in those dark places. But I am proud of her so far…follow me for my rise from the ashes and my ongoing promise to share these stories for those who can not. Yew are the warriors whose words of heartbreak, support, love and compassion keep me on my path of brutal, ugly honesty and finding experiential ways of minimizing the suffering of others like us.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Me and My Endo

Today started with a shot in my ass. the left cheek to be precise. It didn’t hurt, or, if it did I wouldn’t have noticed since i have spent the last week being a pin cushion to the nurses at Cedar Sinai (holler ladies!). After 2 years of being in and out of the hospital, and being diagnosed with Endometriosis, Adnomiosis and some other bowel unmentionables, i finally am embarking on a journey to find a way to live with this pain. The aforementioned shot, is a shot of Lupron. What is Lupron you say? According to

Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body’s own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily. It reduces the amount of testosterone in men or estrogen in women.

and for me specifically:

Lupron is used in women to treat symptoms of endometriosis (overgrowth of uterine lining outside of the uterus) or uterine fibroids.

Right before being hauled into my first surgery in 2008, mom making me laugh…surgery became less funny after the 5–6th.

Endo (as we will call her, yes she is a her) is hard to diagnose, the only way mine was found was due to an intestinal blockage. When the doc’s opened me up, they found her wrapped around my colon! Such a bitch. One can not see Endo from any CT scans, MRI’s or the like so i don’t know how bad mine is, I just know that it hurts like hell and makes my life (and everyone who loves me) miserable at times. For the longest time I thought I was crazy, and after reading other peoples accounts, its seems that is the common thread.

Now to the gross part, or so I am told. When you have a lot of bowel issues you tend to loose sight of what is appropriate to discuss in front of acquaintances, friends, clergyman (ok maybe not clergy considering I am agnostic). Regularity becomes a common topic, when you are constantly in pain and NOT regular..well, it comes up.

Sidenote: The other meaning for Endo, according to the urban dictionary is: The bottom tips of the marijuana plant that accumulate the most resin and crystals after being hung to dry.

Ironically, when narcotic pain killers aren’t helping my pain, the Endo helps ease the pain of Endo. But I digress…

More details on the drug regimen (the reason I can’t finish blabbing now) tomorrow.