Creating Home — Part 1
What does home mean to you? Is it a physical place you go for the holidays? Is it a group of people you belong to? Is it a feeling you get when involved in an activity you love? I posit that home is all these things. Yet it continues to elude me and is perhaps the single most frustrating aspect of my life right now.
Let me explain. Like many people, my childhood was not great. It was filled with uncertainty, violence, and a lot of sadness. I don’t mention this to garner sympathy, just painting a picture. As an Army brat, my physical home changed every 3–4 years. As a child of divorced and remarried parents, the group of people that should have been a consistent base, changed throughout my childhood. And as a first-born child, indulging myself in activities I loved happened seldom as I was responsible for so much — siblings, school, and even running a household. Indeed, my desire to not have children of my own is because I feel like I am making up for my lack of a childhood. On many levels, I am still learning and exploring what this life has to offer and figuring out what I want from it. There is no way I can do that and be responsible for the development and care of another human being. But I digress…
As I actively craft plans for what I want the next 5–10, maybe even 20 years to look like, I find myself coming back to this sense of home. For me, home means comfort, security, and fun. It means surrounding myself with people who encourage, inspire, and motivate me. It is also as simple as a really comfortable spot to read/write/watch a movie. Home is a place that has space for my hobbies and encourages exploration. Home is filled with the sights and sounds of life — the pattering of paws on the floor, the gentle whirring of ceiling fans, the smell of a meal almost ready to be enjoyed. Home is slightly messy, but always colorful and abundant.
This is not a question of renovating a house or getting a pet. Rather creating this vision is up to me. A daunting thought. I am starting to understand that my version of home is unique to me but encompasses others and their vision. Sometimes progress is made in leaps, other times in inches. As I stretch out on my couch with my first batch of kombucha brewing in the kitchen, I am proud of the first steps taken towards this vision of home. More to come…

