We were all liars. They told us all that. “Are you sure you remember what happened correctly? Are you sure you didn’t say yes? Did you say no loud enough? Why did no one hear you? Maybe you are feeling bad about doing it? Maybe you are mad he didn’t want to be your boyfriend?”
We were all liars. They explained to us how.
“Why would he do that unless you did something first? Why would you accuse someone who is such an upstanding member of the community? Why anyone do that to you?”
We were all liars. They told us over and over.
“Whatever, you should be happy — ugly girls are lucky if someone touches them. No one rapes fat chicks. No one wants you, why would someone even get near you anyway. You are the same ugly virgin you always were.”
We were all liars. They made sure we knew.
“Sluts don’t get raped. You just didn’t want to be called out for the whore you are. Mattressback skanks always change their tune afterwards. We know you liked it. Whores like you always do.”
We were all liars. They made everyone know.
“Why would you wait that long to say anything? If it really happened how come there is no evidence? You are only doing this because he’s successful/popular/a star. You don’t sound like a victim. You sound like you are making this up. How come you can’t recall every detail? You can’t be trusted.”
We were all liars. We cannot be trusted.
“Maybe you are mis-remembering this? Maybe things happened differently? Were you drinking? Doing drugs? Have you been stressed? Do you have a mental illness? Have you ever lied before? Do you go to church? When did you last go to a church service? Have you spoken to your pastor about this? Your parents? Maybe you haven’t told you parents because you are confused? Do you lie to your parents?”
We were all liars.
But if we were all liars…
If it never happened...
If it was never real...
Why does it hurt?