Grief, Grace & Hope
The month of August came with many hills and valleys. I have mourned more for my brother’s death this particular month than any other time in in the last ten months. I know grief to be a step by step experience (that’s the only reason I can so easily identify this place I’m in) but this occurence really just makes me feel like something has been stolen from my entire family. It’s especially interesting when you have the world outside of you thinking they’re so attached to this experience…but truly have no idea what goes on the moment that the casket closed and life still had to go on.
Life is still happening, days are still passing by, the world is still turning and he’s still not here. I certainly wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy. I am grateful for the people who have been here. The ones who have wiped the tears, the ones who have cried with me, the ones who have let me scream because I just needed to get it out and the ones who have been covering me in prayer because I haven’t had the words to do it for myself. To the ones that have understood why I just needed to take a step back, why I am not the same person I was ten months ago and why I probably never will be…you guys have been my rock and I love you tremendously. Thank you for being the village I depend on.
Highlight of the month: I got to witness the union of two people who were literally created for one another and was reminded that the plan God has for us a beautiful one…but only when we allow Him the opportunity to equip us with all that we need. His timing is impeccable!
To my God who has been patient and merciful to me, a simple note: Abba, thank you for yet teaching me how to stand during the stormest seasons. Thank you for giving me the ability to see beauty, even in the times of sadness. Thank you for making me stronger than I knew I was because I can rely on your strength and thank you for giving me bloody grace (that I don’t understand) to endure until the end. Grace has been given for every thorn.