Our ideas and vocabulary change with time and experience.
We all have a story to tell. A story that is living deep within us, with the words carved into our souls. We all have blemished, worn pages that we cherish or hide. Either to be read over and over or to be forgotten into the black hole of lost thoughts that have no place in the light nor our minds. We also have crisp, new pages and the blank pages excite us with the possibilities as they begin every new chapter.
We have words written in the margins. Notes the represent epiphanies, advice, caution, and revelation. Things to change and add to our lives as perspectives grow with age.
We have things highlighted and underlined. These things we want focus on, such as goals, dreams, and reminders of what truly is important. Words that stand out and pop off the page.
We have words that have been scratched out and changed. Our ideas and vocabulary change with time and experience. I know that when I have looked back at past writings I am appalled at some things and impressed with others. We see how we redirected and rerouted the life we had to something completely different than before expected.
We have grammar errors on our ever growing manuscript. This doesn’t reflect intelligence of thought. Are you focused on the tiny details of the language or are you focusing on the whole picture? Are you zooming in on everything wrong with you or seeing how the imperfections define you and that that is okay?
We are a grand book that is written every day. We have ups, downs, and sometimes we flat line. We have slow chapters and ones packed full with action. We have some full of miracles, blessings, and healing; while other encompass curses, misfortunes, and pain. We must remember that everything has its opposite. Without the bad, we can’t comprehend light. We can’t comprehend life and its true meaning.
Did your story begin with a colored pencil or a crayon? Did you change to a lead pencil or a pen? Are you sketching or illustrating some words, because sometimes words fail you? Our story is written with a writing tool of decisions. Whatever you chose to scribble with can morph into a different color and mold into the unexpected as the story matures.
Is your hand covered in lead or ink from accidentally rubbing the paper from writing too fast because you don’t get your thoughts down fast enough? The mind can go in a million different directions and your pen only moves in one. Your pen is already at a huge disadvantage. The smudges on your hands can represent your dedication to you, to your tender love and care into shaping each word to represent your personal core.
I feel like I am a black inked pen. Nothing too fancy, but nothing to simple. Elegance, confidence, and grace are what I strive for. I have words crossed out, creating huge blotches. My scratched out words signify where I redirected myself to say or be someone better. A sign that I have come back and revised my first draft that allows space for me to grow and heal. I don’t spell well and more often than not I think faster than my hand can glide. Sometimes it is frustrating as my handwriting slows or limits my expression of thoughts.
I forget to enjoy the motions of moving the pen across the page in my own personal font that is not easily copied. It kind of reminds me of the saying “Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.”
It doesn’t matter how ugly your pages are, you still have the ability to write a beautiful story. Something to ask yourself is, are you striving to grow from what has already been written? I find that I reflect on the ugliest pages too much and the good ones too little. Allow the wisdom gained and recorded to help define you. Don’t let the worn pages haunt you, but whisper sweet nothings of hope and love for a better future.
Mental illness causes the mind to dwell on the ugly pages as sometimes it can’t comprehend what has happened or why things played out the way that they did. The mind can weave whatever lies it wants as it focuses on such blasphemy.
Just because you tend to look at the dark side with mist, rather than the light side with clarity doesn’t mean that your mind can’t be retrained to default to positivity. Allow the pages of the past to teach you, so that you can be proud of the pages in the future.
Healing is possible, but only if you are willing to read your mind positively and write your soul with love.
Keep writing beautiful days into your life. Thanks for reading!