I know what it is like to be me and you know what it is like to be you.
I know what it is like to be me and you know what it is like to be you. Sometimes we love it and other times we hate it. When you are struggling with mental illness, you tend to hate more than love yourself. At least that was the case for me.
How you see yourself and how others see you is vastly different. I see all the things backstage and am able to be critical of all the little knots and hiccups that happen when you only manage to put on a somewhat decent performance. But people don’t know the mess of tangles of my head. All they see is my freckly face.
Have you ever done a project where you have a million details you have to zoom in on to make the final product match what you have in your mind’s eye? For instance, a paint job, sewing, cooking, crafting, mechanics, painting, wood working, basically anything. I find that more often than not, people get caught up on spending hours upon hours critiquing the smallest of flaws when if they stepped back to look at it, they wouldn’t see it at all. I know we all have experiences with this.
I think we look at ourselves this way. We pick at our own imperfections, our weaknesses, our flaws. Things that are so obvious to us it hurts, but go unnoticed to everyone else. You might be surprised to find out that the outside world doesn’t notice the small things. But if someone in your life picks at that flaw or uses it against you, then it’s time to say bye to them.
Perfection is an interesting thing. You are human. I am not very good at math but I do know these equations-
Human = Imperfection
Non-human = Perfection
Am I wrong?
You make mistakes every day. Your body has some problems. For example, I can’t really breathe well in my sleep. Humans aren’t supposed to have this problem, but I do. Thus what do I do? Go to the doctor and get a blessed sleep machine that changes my life around for the better. (Sleep is life and life is sleep.)
We are all born with battles. We are born with a deck of cards that we have to play with and a lot of times it seems stacked against us. Sometimes the hand we are given forces us to choose between two not so great things.
Mental illness is a hyper focus scope when we look at ourselves. I would get caught up on the fact that I wasn’t social enough or that I was tired all the time or that I wasn’t great at reading like the other kids were. I would let my height get in the way or the fact that I had a hard time with group activities. I let myself feel down because I had so many things wrong with me that I thought I was hopeless in making anything of myself. I was hopeless at being great or of doing great. I couldn’t be perfect in everything that I did so I was an automatic failure.
I am turning 25 here really soon. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought to myself,
“Geez… If I knew what I know now when I was 18, I would have done things very differently and things would have been better.”
But I wasn’t the me now that I was back then. I didn’t have the experience back then that I have now.
I didn’t have the knowledge of how to do something perfectly. (Not that I do now by any means, but do you get the point that I am trying to make?) I have come across many people in my life that all they worry about is being perfect. So much so that they were missing what it means to live and experience. Heck, I was this way myself when I was younger! It isn’t living life to the fullest potential if you ask me.
At the end of the day what really matters? That you smiled and laughed about the little snags or stress that happened. Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes no one noticed?
To be mentally healthy, you can’t afford to pick on yourself. You have to come to this place in your head where you accept all of your flaws and work on fitting them in to help you live a happy life. I have to sleep with a mask… Big bummer. But you know what? I sleep with a mask so the next day I can enjoy it with the energy to smile and laugh instead of being tired, irritated, and plotting my next nap.
Work with your imperfections to create the perfect life for you.
Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day!