Petty Lies Ruin A Girl’s Esteem
Be confident in body. Be confident in mind.

Negative thoughts about body image can be a little more serious than just a flew flittering thoughts. It is a huge distortion and one of the greatest lies of them all. Nothing could set me off faster than when it came to my body image.
Things changed when I reached those oh so tender pre-teen years. In my mind, I went from a very cute kid to… well… less than desirable. I mean, there is a reason why pictures from that part of my life are not on the wall. But then again, what pre-teen looks fabulous on a day to day basis? If you did or do, consider yourself fortunate because I was not one of those people.
There are a few stories that come to mind when I think of body image and body perception growing up. It truly is amazing how blind you can be when seeing your own body in anything skinny and reflective.
In this story, I was just an elementary school kid who just became aware that body weight and body types are a thing. I was almost always the tallest in my grade and bigger than the other girls. (I use my height and strong bone structure to pay homage to my Viking ancestors.)
It was hot that day and I had on a regular logo t-shirt with jeans and a belt. I had my belt on too tight because I wanted to be skinny. I remember thinking “I GIVE UP!” I took that belt off and let the belly out. I don’t know why but that has always stuck with me.
I don’t remember how old I am in this story but it happened when I was in my room getting dressed for the day. I was crying because I was trying to tie a string or ribbon around my tummy to try to appear thinner. (Did somebody say corset?) The ribbon hurt and it cut into me and didn’t do the desired effect… I bawled even harder.
No offense to anyone, but I am not the American woman who averages 5’4” ish. I am 5’10” with a very strong Viking heritage. I have them to thank for these thick bones of mine. When I was a baby, people would pick me up and say “Man! She is a sturdy one!” No, I have never broken any bones. I am not a string bean, I have hips and have always weighed just a little bit more than I should. All of these things made me so insecure and had me cornered with a huge neon sign that said, “DON’T LOOK AT ME!”
Oh, I would hide in sweatshirts and fleece vests. (I think I had vests in every color pretty much. I thought of my white one as being fancy and would wear it to ‘dress up’.) It wouldn’t matter how hot it would be. If it was going to make me faint, I would just faint. That was the better alternative in my mind than taking off the layers!
As a pre-teen, I was constantly focusing on everything that was wrong and how I skipped the junior department as I went from the kids to shop in the misses’ department. Imagine wearing the same clothes as some of your class mates’ moms. Truly and wonderfully horrifying. (Unless they have great style!) This didn’t exactly help the younger me feel better.
In my struggles with body image (Still have issues here and there. Old habits are hard to break, they say) it is so important to reach this place in your head that there are just some things about you that are never going to change no matter what you do. (I am not going to get a skeleton transplant)
We often like what we don’t have, but we should look for the positive. For example, I have super fair skin that can’t tan. (Trust me I tried… I just got 2nd degree burns from that blasted sun about 3 weeks ago.) But I can freckle like nobody’s business and I always say that I tan in freckle form and one day I am going to be just like my dad… One big giant freckle. He can’t play ‘connect the dots’ anymore.
Another example; my height. There is not really anything that I can do about that. So what do I do? I rock my 2–3 inch heels and walk around like the dang thing. I do wonder about the shoe industry though still. Do they realize who needs that size 10 shoe? Don’t get me wrong, I love me a nice 6’0”- 6’1” but sometimes you fall in love with a pair of shoes on display just to find out they don’t have your size or that they are so not attractive in your size. There have been incidents in my life.
I have chased the white rabbit down the muddy hole of “I am fat, too tall, too big, too wide, too etc.” In the past, someone actually said “You are the size of all the guys.” That doesn’t exactly make a girl’s day, let me tell you.
Slap all that nonsense in the face. You are not too much of anything negative. Thinking negative can make anybody depressed. But with mental illness you feel like it is 10 times worse. Some of my anxiety came in forms of, “no one thinks I am pretty” or, “it’s hopeless… Hand me the tissues.”
What is attractive is your personality. That is what makes you YOU. Blah blah blah, how many times have you heard that speech? I know I have about 150 million times. But it’s true, so tape it to your mirror or something so you remember. I carry around something like that in my wallet.
With mental illness, it changes how you feel and perceive yourself. Self-image plagues mostly girls, but it could be anyone. Some shake it off (Turn up the Taylor swift) better than others but the severity of the problem could be a sign that there is much more going on.
Your skin is your skin. Your bones are your bones. Learn to enjoy the amazing things your body can do, no matter what your situation is.
All in all, you are beautiful! Yeah, tape that to your mirror too!

