My STORY

my story begins a long time ago…way before i was even born. People use to tell me you know you will end up just like your mother one day if you keep being stubborn. I was as stubborn as a mule. i never liked for anyone to talk to me or tell me what to do. Especially if you weren’t family. My family was very different from most. We didn’t have a typical day at all. In fact i lived a very far from normal life. I lived in my own little world because no one ever noticed me or even bothered to get to know me. When i was a kid I thought that I would become famous one day and be in movies like Halle Berry. Too much dreaming went on inside my head. I filled my head with so many dreams & thoughts but would never accomplish not one dream. I guess I was just living a in a make-believe-world. My family had a lot of drama. We never did things other families did such as movies, family trips, or even a backyard bbq out with friends. We never did anything fun. We didn’t have any family discussions or talks. We never were told how special we were to. each eachother nor did we get gifts on our birthdays. I felt very much ignored. So i turned to my thoughts and make-believe-world. I always fantasized about being those girls in the videos shaking they’re asses around bottles, booze, and models. Just wanting to be the girl that everyone liked.

Never really was the popular one in high school. Felt so alone and out of place all the time. Even around the nerds i didn’t fit in with them. It was like hell on earth. There were days when I even cried in the hallways right before class just thinking about how uncomfortable I was around others. I felt like the best thing to do was try to be invisible although that was damn near impossible. I tried to hide behind everything. I disguised my depressed feelings by laughing at myself. If someone was laughing at me I started laughing with them about myself. As if I had took myself as a joke. I soon came to realize i did. I didn’t appreciate myself at all. Cared very little about my looks and didn’t realize how bad it affected me until i got to high school. Some people talked about me to others behind my back. Then they would turn around and say hi to me as if nothing happened. This behavior soon began to take a toll on my attitude. I started taking it out on the people I loved around me in my household. I just wished the ceiling would fall on me and just take me away from this pain in my heart. All the people that made fun of me would just vanish. But just like all my other wishes that didn’t happen. Everyday just got worse and worse. I felt like nothing else was worse than what i was going through.

One day as I was getting ready to go to class, I heard a familiar voice in the staircase. Someone had called my name and told me to come over. As I was nearing the voice, I saw who it was and knew something bad would happen to me destroying my low self-esteem even more if i didn’t stand up for myself. It was this girl who I didn’t like because she tried to use me to get popular. She threatened to beat me up and we eventually we ended up fighting. We had to fight because that would be the only way I could show her who was in charge and get her to back off for good. She had a pointy nose and looked like a ugly dog that no one wanted to adopt from the pound. I could see why she wanted to beat me up though. My looks were way more appealing than her’s without even trying to look pretty. Her name was Tiffany and despite all the nice Tiffany’s that are probably out there…she made me hate all Tiffany’s after her. I could see how and why she envied me even more. There was this guy (who I really didn’t think was all that cute he was just decent looking), anyways… one day she caught him talking to me in the hallway and then I realized she liked him….A lot. She gave me a stank look. He was feeling me more than her. He offered to take me out several times but I refused knowing that i wasn’t able to hang even if i wanted to. Seeing me with him was killing her softly & (slowly). The funny thing about it is I wasn’t even trying. Soon I got a kick out of making her jealous of me. She was going really far to do everything in her power to make me feel like shit or look stupid. So i had to take advantage of this for as long as I could. Ha. I felt so good inside, at least it made the time go by. —

Incerpt from my ongoing book

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