HARSH TRUTH (POLY- EDITION)
“The “P” word (Polyamory)… are we really bringing this up again?”... I remember that's what one of my past partners said to me. Why does the P word have to mean “PAIN”.Does polyamory really always eventually lead to that?
I have learned so much about myself while practicing polyamory. One KEY thing I have learned is the difference between BOUNDARIES & CONTROL.Thinking back in most of my monogamous relationships control was always the anchor in every single scenario. “You better be home by midnight or ”, “you better not find interest in anyone outside of me or” .. Those are both examples of control mechanisms to pretty much threaten your partner into doing what it is that you desire them to do. “IF you happen to find interest in anyone outside of our relationship inform me”.. “Midnight is the latest I feel most comfortable with you coming home”… Those are both examples of Boundary mechanisms that you are your partner can agree or disagree to for your relationship style whatever truly works for your dynamic is what truly matters most.
LIAR LIAR L.O.V.E ON F.I.R.E
Remembering my very first poly encounter I didn't realize how important HONESTY truly was the center of everything until it all blew up in my face in an instant and watching everyone I care about become affected.Growing up with a monogamous mindset it's easy to forget what matters when you have made the decision to become non monogamous. So im sneaking.. i'm still creeping….i'm doing things I shouldn't be im doing things that I honestly don't have to do.
Compersion… Y.I.K.E.S. Remembering a time when I started dating a lesbian couple that I met on tinder and our 3rd date was a camping trip ❤ what a amazing camping trip that was until I returned home to my lover at the time to what I THOUGHT would be a bit of compersion considering the fact prior to the camping trip she actually helped me prepare for it. Helped me pack, took my photos, even walked me to the car once they arrived and happily waved us goodbye. The sun is setting the fire is going and all of the feels are existing. I can't help but to wonder if my partner at home is emotionally ok. Text messages, facetimes, and endless phone conversation won't truly help someone whose overall uncomfortable with this entire situation from the jump. Imagine your lover giving endless support but truly undeniably dying on the inside but is willing to do anything to keep You. Can you imagine how that ended?
Or what about another time me and my partner BOTH agreed to practice polyamory and before her party outings or even dates I would actually take out the time to help her prep physically and mentally to look and feel her best for her date/potential lover, and i’d actually do it with a smile because I GENUINELY hoped for her to have an amazing story to tell when she returned home.Or even times when her potential partner would come over I would greet her lover and even had the decency to actually hang out in the bedroom to give them privacy to actually enjoy one another without any pressure. Unfortunately I was never given the same courtesy on any occasion and tbh how could I even expect it when I'm sitting directly in front of another case of.. “ I WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU”. #OUCH
TO be continued ……
