Silent Conversations
I was listening to The Cure and you crossed my mind, I imagined your long hairy legs spread out on the rusty bars on my balcony,resting on that plastic chair that makes your butt numb, sipping a cold beer, lost in the nauseating six PM Nairobi view that we hated to love, lost in conversation.
Look at this place, I mean… really look at it..
I am looking at it, really looking at it
Do you know what I see?
No. Tell me?
I mean, when I look at it all I see is… robots, being driven by despair and hopelessness, an unfruitful everyday chase for superficial things, trivial things, things they don’t need but somehow got convinced they can’t live without, I see frustrated, exhausted beings hanging by a thread in the chaos that is life and ever so unaware of it. I mean, everyday they do the same shit and now they’re rushing home to sit on their couches in time for the seven O’clock brainwashing session..
That’s one way to see it, I agree. But when I look closer, do you know what I see? I see a dad who’s been working in construction all day rushing home to spend time with his family even though he knows he’ll probably pass out from exhaustion right after dinner , I see working moms hurrying home to be with their toddlers hoping they catch them before they are put to bed by poorly paid emotionally unavailable house helps, I see goddamn twenty year olds rushing to a night shift job after a long day in class just to pay tuition and perhaps earn enough to actually afford lunch at school , I just.. I see a lot of stories begging to be told. I see dreams, I see determination and drive. I see resilience. I see hope.
I know. I know. Most of them have dependants, needs and that eliminates choice all together, it’s frustrating isn’t it? How we all just eventually disappear into middle age nothingness..
It’s infuriating. It’s worse for us because we see. We see all of it. And we feel godamnit! We feel too much. but I don’t think we need to worry about melting into middle age nothingness, we’re not robots
No? Please.. enlighten me
I mean, we’re not down there are we?
No. So what are we then?
Malfunctioned robots, perhaps we got re-programmed at some point, for an experiment… yeah that must be it
And what would the experiment entail? People who are too self aware to have a reason for being?
Perhaps. Or maybe it’s meant to study the choices of non conformists. I guess We’ll never know, will we? But hey, listen.. soon all those empty hearts below us will disappear to the solace of their homes and all this cramped up apartments you see will light up, from up here it’ll look like giant flashlights shining over a dull city, giving it life, maybe those dark grey clouds will clear and perhaps an ocean of stars will appear and it’ll be beautiful again and we’ll remember why we fell in love with this disgusting, filthy beautiful city in the first place.
When you loose me to your words, I’m reminded why I fell in love with you. I don’t need to be reminded why I love this disgusting filthy beautiful city, I know exactly why, you. Because you’re in it.
Me. I’m in it.
The city you taught me to love but are no longer part of, the city that still lets me drown wholly into your imaginary presence.
