My knuckles oozed a sweet pain from knocking relentlessly. With my patience running out , I kicked his door angrily with my heelless ankle boot. It was reassuring to know he still slept like the dead.
Words came out of me as soon as my eyes caught sight of the welcoming bat he held.
Look, don't freak out or anything but .. I am not here to fuck you.
Oh wow! How kind of you to clear that up!
You know me, I'm as human as they come!
There I was seven months later. Fitting perfectly in the door left barely ajar, a rather warm gesture.
It was 3:52AM or at least I thought it was. Shirtless in grey boxer shorts, he appeared to have trouble getting his sanity to cooperate.
Is this a dream?
You dream about me?
He rubbed his palms against his eyes and confirmed. Yup, it was me alright. In the flesh. At three AM.
Fucking cunt, he thought loudly
I revealed my sincerest sarcastic smile. It was appreciated by a slightly exaggerated smirk. As pleasant as I remembered it. Oh, love.
You look cold, aren't you going to invite me in?
And risk death from hypothermia? no thanks
Don't worry about that, if I was going to kill you I'd be more creative! I have great news btw
Does it involve teleporting back to wherever the fuck you came from?
Afraid not, put a pin on that though it sounds pretty cool. But seriously dude I'm freezing let me the fuck in
I barged in his house as aggressively as I had his heart. He pushed the door reluctantly and followed my pace expectedly..
Well.. ? He inquired
I threw my bag on the floor. Walking to the mirror by the door, I inspected my face. I enjoyed the tension this ritualistic habit created.
Well?? What's the news? He persisted when I didn't say anything
You gotta sit down for this dude, it's major
I perched my form on the tiled sink resting my buzzing head by the wooden wardrobe.
You got any weed? I asked opening a drawer
I quit weed.. Look, what's the..
Don’t you ever clean this place?
Look are you here to judge cause if..
Relax jeez! You forget how dirty I can get when properly inspired.. I purred
Don’t do that..
Do what? I retaliated coyly
That.. He gestured
I don’t know what you mean.. I wet my lower lip
Please.. Just.. don't be you right now..
Who do you want me to be? I teased
He sat on a pile of books by the corner.
Tell me the news..
Who do you want me to be, Okello?
What are you so afraid of?
Why are you here, Kare?
Well they found my heart and being the generous person you know me to be, here I am! sharing a life altering piece of information that’ll make both you and I equally ecstatic!
Studying my face for what seemed like a lifetime , I felt the alcohol level in my system dwindle significantly. The wide grin plastered on my mouth died. I hated how he could see that. See through the bullshit, see me. I hated how he didn’t have to use words to announce his thoughts. I hated him.
I hated him because he loved me even though he knew I was inconsistent and selfish.
His gaze hardened, piercing my soul. The next words that came out of his mouth shattered my world and I liked it.
I can’t do this anymore, Kare. I can’t.. I’ve tried so many times but godamn it woman you are so hard to love! I laid my soul bare, showed you parts of myself I didn’t even know existed, took fragments of what you gave me and tried filling the empty space with momentary highs but fuck it.. Fuck it.. I’m done. If I can’t have all of you, I don’t want you. It will hurt. But I can live with that. What I can’t live with is hurting myself every time I nibble at a dried out bone like a homeless dog.
The night seemed quieter, stranger. I took desperate gasps careful not to suffocate from the sadness sipping through the ceiling. So gut wrenching was this moment that it demanded complete utter silence.
No one said anything for a long time. Looking right at him I saw no one. I was surrounded by a deep melancholy that felt baseless.
I got up from where I sat and walked slowly towards him. I pressed myself against his ribs and squeezed hard. I couldn’t say what he wanted me to say. I couldn’t lie. My heart was incapable of corrupting an honest moment. We'd certainly lived through enough bullshit.
I was just an asshole who banged his door only when life got too overwhelming. When I couldn’t handle being alone.. But what about the times he felt alone and I wasn't there?
I slept in his arms that night. In comforting silence and reassuring uncertainty. We were complete in each other's longings.
A fresh dewy breeze and sad snores woke me. I lay a distant warmth on his cheek, took in his aura for the last time and left.
That was the last time I saw him.