Things that Fucking Annoy Me
Erika Sauter
297

Okay. This looks like fun. Here’s my five things that fucking annoy me…

Microsoft Windows Updates. You’re trying to shut the computer down, and then the screen displays a message telling you not to turn off your computer because 1 of 27 updates is being installed (2% complete). Forty-five minutes later, and the upgrade is still chugging along with all the speed of a young snail off to snail school on a Monday morning. Is really too much to ask for a say over when the upgrade happens?

The phrase ‘I’m afraid that…’ As in ‘I’m afraid that we’ve run out of coffee’ or ‘I’m afraid he’s out of the office today’. There are many things to be afraid of in this world. Temporary coffee shortages or colleagues who are out of the office are not among them. Save the fear for where it really counts.

SpongeBob SquarePants. I have four major objections to this particularly odious yellow cartoon character: 1. He’s a sponge. 2. He’s called Bob. 3. He is square (a square sponge, like something you’d wash your dishes with) and 4. He wears pants. Actually, I think I dislike SpongeBob because his face subconsciously reminds me of some particularly annoying classmate at school. Make that the fifth objection.

Woolly aphids. This one’s very personal and pertinent right now. Woolly aphids are apple tree parasites and they’ve colonised our two apple trees. A quick blast of water usually gets rid of them, but two days later they’re back, like a flock of tiny parasitic sheep. So I’m having to constantly debug my apples. Did Steve Jobs ever have this problem?

The curious tendency for socks to separate, leaving you with a completely useless collection of unmatched socks. This is a widely known problem, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Particularly when it appears that there’s plenty of socks in the sock drawer, but none of them match. That’s when you’ve really hit sock bottom.

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