Coffee and Cake

A lot of people want to see me right now.

They want to have coffee and cake and to be there for me.

It’s awesome to know I have such great and wonderful friends, it really is, but there is so much going on. I’m still under my own little rain cloud.

Consciously, I’m moving forward. I’m working. There’s a campaign about to launch, I’m working on a Crowdfunding Challenge with 80 or so entrepreneurs. I’m answering emails and walking dogs and doing my job(s).

We’ve finally got through signing the probate documents, so at least that’s done, but in the meantime business decisions need making — as I still catch up on the history of why we need to make them.

Then every so often I am reminded of the fact Mum is gone. And I’m reminded that subconsciously, that has still left a crater in my life. I’m still working through that.

I keep wondering if I’ll ever go back to the person I was — in good health, able to spend time with people, able to go out visiting and be my happy self. Right now, it feels like that goal is miles and miles away.

I simply don’t have the energy. And the lack of energy means that the energy I do have needs to be funneled into the activities that bring me income and support me.

So it’s hard for me to do coffee and cake right now. It’s hard for me to make small talk and smile. Hell, there are days when it’s just difficult for me to get off the toilet.

It affects my business relationships, my personal relationships, and it’s really made a dent in the number of Tinder dates I can do.

It’s not you. It really, really is me. Each week I get a little bit better, and each week I try and catch up with someone else, but I need patience right now. The people I’m surrounding myself with are for the most part people I consider family. People who have known me for most of my life. Most of them knew Mum.

So if I blow you off, or fail to get in touch, I’m sorry — I’m just not there yet.

I’ll get there though, I hope.