Knowing your white privilege — a Mother’s point of view

I was compelled to start writing today. Not because I am a writer — at least I used to be but haven’t written for many years. But because twice in 1 day (today in fact) I was challenged by 2 different men who disagreed with an opinion I had posted to an article. The piece was incredibly well written, it was articulate and spoke a truth, yet it covered a topic that is taboo to have an opinion on if you are a white person. Well, it is taboo to some at least.

The article tackled the recent and non-sensical opinion of Piers Morgan on Beyonce’s Lemonade visual album (you can read it here). While I had queried only the headline to this article and cheered the rest of the piece entirely (what woman doesn’t want to see another woman powerfully and flawlessly communicating a message to the entire world). I was told twice that there was concern for the future of my own daughter (who is of mixed race white/black) with the views I had expressed. One commenter even wrote that it was my white privilege that had led me to think I had the right to say anything at all on the subject, and that got me thinking further.

I have often seen and heard the words ‘white privilege’. In my experience it tends to raise its head after an event or occurrence that has been fuelled by racism. It can apply to many situations, but in essence is used to describe the unspoken, preferential and unwavering lifting up of white people ahead of, and above, people of any other skin color.

And let’s not kid ourselves. It is very, very real.

It is visible in our work places, our judgements, our jails, our governments, the world economy. It is so ingrained globally that many white folks don’t even know it’s there, an invisible force that flows and breathes as we breathe.

So why, as a white person, is it important that we do recognize it? And what can we do once we have it? Because it is not going away.

Firstly we have to understand what white privilege means at a micro level. It means that in many areas of every day life that your voice is heard above others, that you may have influence in places where other people do not and that your chances of being arrested, shot or thrown in jail for something you didn’t do are pretty minimal.

On a macro level it means that we have an overwhelming number of people in high-power, influential positions, ahead of more qualified people who happen to be of a different skin color, and a huge number of people of color (particularly men) incarcerated, forced into low income jobs, or dead (but I roam back into the micro). These results of white privilege shape the future of a world that continues to flow in exactly the same pattern, and allows us to sweep it under the carpet, keeping it invisible to those who remain on the privileged side.

But to the purpose of my musings… what does white privilege mean to me as a Mother of a child who’s skin is darker than mine, and what should it mean to any of us as parents? And this brings me back to my daughter that these 2 gentlemen I have never met, are so concerned about.

Now while my 1 year old has absolutely no idea at all what her skin color may or may not mean for her future right now, she will start to see certain differences in how she is treated over her white friends as early as nursery. Unfortunately that is the world she was born into. My job as her Mother is to continuously fight for her and to teach her how to fight for herself, to let her know that this is not right or how she has to accept the world. But here’s the twist — I will use my white privilege to do that.

I will start discussions that other Mothers of color would be frowned upon for starting. I will have an opinion when other Mothers will be palmed off as ‘angry’ or ‘having a chip on her shoulder’, and I will continue to educate the ignorant and the misinformed of their errors and judgement. I will use my white privilege to have a voice where the words of other Mothers are muted. And for the parents who have children who happen to look like them — it is your job to also be conscious, to be awake that white privilege is real, to educate your children to this fact and start change.

But to suggest to me, as it was this morning, that because I am white I must have a dictated mindset and am thus jeopardizing the whole and fruitful upbringing of my daughter, unsurprisingly frustrates and infuriates me. It presents another problem, and this has nothing to do with ‘reverse racism’ (which was also mentioned, and is a bit of a farcical concept in my opinion). It is just racism, in its pure and ugly form. To suggest that I as a white mother can not possibly understand the world that awaits my daughter of a different skin tone, that I should be scared and ashamed that I should ever think I could and will ultimately fail my daughter, is both naive and ignorant.

As Mothers, as parents, we have a sense of duty so strong for our children that it can overwhelm and overcome even the most ingrained and invisible of opponents. And while white people must recognize and actively look to change the path of white privilege, all people have a duty to stop and intellectually assess the judgements they are making no matter the pain they have themselves suffered.

But then again, that could be my white privilege talking.